


Tabloid Exclusive

by happymaybe



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Jin goes solo, KAT-TUN is 4nin, M/M, Set in 2015-ish, They have HISTORY, as always
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:25:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happymaybe/pseuds/happymaybe
Summary: They’ve never been together per se. But there are about 800 times they almost did. It has taken them a few detours and more than a decade of pulling against each other.  And just like any other respectable final chapters, theirs kick off in a coffeeshop, with a gracious helping of blind items and tabloid exclusives.





	Tabloid Exclusive

 

When Jin takes off his shades in front of the barista and hears a collective gasp behind him, he shuts his eyes for a moment and sighs.

Acing the art of dealing with the daily invasion of your privacy is just one of the many exciting by-products of going through your adult life under public scrutiny.

If this is any other day that would be the end of it. And Jin _lives_ for those days.

But as Jin goes through the routine of ordering, with the barista smiling tightly at him to keep up with the totally-not-a-celebrity charade, there are actually few blessed souls who have started taking pictures. Blatantly.

And by the time the murmuring inside the shop reaches an alarming level, he finally considers the possibility that there might be more than just his presence causing this small commotion. He can be incredibly self-absorbed at times.

As the barista hands him his order, Jin gives in to his curiosity and does a quick scan of the place –

  
And there he sees Kamenashi, lazily lounging in one corner table by the window, fully engrossed in reading something on his phone and seems to be having zero fucks in going incognito with what could only be described as the quintessential Kamenashi Outfit TM: strategically distressed jeans and an uncomfortable looking red plaid shirt.

“Great.” Jin blinks, slowly resigning to his fate. “Guess I’m in Friday again this week.”

-

“Guess who will be headlining Chinese gossip sites and,” Jin announces as he drags an empty chair across Kame’s table.  “If they’re lucky and still relevant to the consumers after all these years, be in actual gossip rags tomorrow?”

Kame looks at him for two good seconds. “Did you rehearse that from the counter all the way here?”

“No. But if you wanna know, it’s us. Yeah?” Jin nods at him, grinning. "Exciting, huh. When was the last time we were on a gossip rag together?"

Kame actually breaks into a small, reclusive smile. “Nice to see you too and yeah, sure you can join me in this table. Thanks for asking.”

“So fucking cheeky.” Jin snorts, ignoring the dozens of curious bystander watching and possibly livetweeting their interaction right now.

Kame hums at that, sipping his coffee. “I thought you’re in the US.”

“I’m here for couple of weeks.” Jin offers as he settles in, propping his bag on the table.  “But you on the other hand?” Jin starts, giving the other a shameless once over. “It’s two on a weekday afternoon. What the hell are you doing in Starbucks? Aren’t you typically too good for this?”

Kame looks at him over his phone, “Sorry, Akanishi, but you lost your right to question my motives and whereabouts as early as 2006.”

See, if Jin doesn’t know any better he’d actually be offended at that and, if all the endless articles and blogs are to be believed, he‘d storm off but without throwing his coffee to Kame’s smug face.

But it’s not how it goes.

Kame has that annoying smile that Jin has a hard time admitting even to himself that he knows too well.

“Ahh.” Jin stalls, nipping the end of straw, “You’re right about that.” He closes his eyes, sighing. “God, so much regret. Kamenashi Kazuya, the one that got away.”

“Fucking tragedy.” Kame replies, unaffected.

Jin keeps on grinning. “But no, seriously. This is incredible.” He makes a show of hand gestures. “Just couple of weeks ago I’m raging womanizer and this week, thanks to your new found fondness for mainstream franchise coffee – I will be a raging homo.”

That earns him a long look from Kamenashi, “You could walk away from here, you know.”

“Yes, I cooould,” Jin sings, nodding.  “But where’s the fun in that?”  

Kame’s mouth is pressed thin. Jin waits one, two, three seconds to see if Kame will take the bait but the other simply makes a non-committal sound and returns to busy himself with his phone.

Jin should probably feel insulted after being ignored in favour of a cellphone but it’s been years since he has the last word in any conversation with Kame and he’ll take that, _thank you very much_.   

With a quiet hum dedicated to his small victory, Jin takes out his laptop from his bag. He’s a busy guy and he will solider through today’s productivity despite the obvious oddity of Kamenashi’s presence.

In minutes, Jin is lulled to a point of dull calmness as he goes through his emails and today’s list of tasks.

He’s skimming through a particular offer for a commissioned song when someone sneezes somewhere in the cafe, and he snaps out of his trance. He blinks couple of times, fazed, and makes the undeniable rookie mistake of glancing at the other person in the table and catches Kamenashi yawning.

It’s an absolutely mundane moment and of course, that is when Jin's brain decides to to supply him with flashes of a younger Kamenashi under the spotlight, in front of a crowd throwing a quick glance at him where they’re standing next to each other, smiling like they’ve won something incredible, intangible and infinite -

_Oh wow._

Jin sucks in a mouthful of air and looks down on his hands, splayed over the keyboard. There’s disconcertingly tightness on his chest.  

“But yeah, this is good.” Kame says without preamble, like he’s started a conversation with himself and just like that, the moment is gone.

“I haven’t been in one in years. This would make my manager furious.” Kame continues, unaware of Jin’s struggles. “I like to remind him every quarter or so that I’m not the perfect Idol he thinks of me.” Kame scrunches his nose, disgusted.

It takes a moment before Jin’s brain catches up to him and when Kame’s words register, Jin bites back a response that goes along the line of _but you’re the closest to a perfect idol anyone could imagine_.

“Agree. This might actually be a good thing.” Jin blurts out mindlessly, wanting nothing but to fill the gaps of their conversation. ”Secretly dating you is a actually a great way of getting rid of a girl who got the weird idea that we are dating."

And then he cringes. It takes .03 seconds for him to realize that this might not be his brightest moment.

Later on, when he has the chance to reflect on this defining moment of his adult life, he’d realized it could have come down at lot worse.

In that .03 seconds he sees the gradual transformation of Kame’s face from passive interest to absolute _disgust_.

Kame’s hair is cropped too close to his ears and he’s still looking like in his teens. Which is ridiculous. Everything about Kamenashi is ridiculous. That’s the first course in the complex field of study of Kamenashi Kazuya.

Short hair and perpetually baby face elements considered, it’s pretty impressive how he can look so indifferent and guarded yet still can effortlessly make you feel like you’re the dullest and most insignificant speck of dust out there. It’s a gift.

“If I didn’t know you since you were fourteen and didn’t hook up with you years ago, I’d say pretending to be date me to avoid having proper adult conversation with someone is such fucking dick move. But who are we kidding? Nothing surprise me anymore. You've always been a commitment phobic dickhead.”

It takes them 6 fucking minutes and 45 seconds before someone lost it and mentions the unmentionable. This is a record, even for them.

"Jesus Christ." Jin breathes. "All I wanted was a frappe." Holy shitting hell, he woke up today not expecting he’ll bump into this particular chapter of his life – in Starbucks of all places. Of course this would explode right in front of him. It always does.

“But you know what, I don’t give a flying fuck, Akanishi.” Kame deadpans and Jin is regretting every life choices he had that lead to this point of his life. He should have just gone and get some milk tea.

“Irony is not lost on me but I'm happy to be your accidental gay beard, Akanishi.” 

Kame raises his eyebrows at him, impassive but has that definite tone of mockery Jin absolutely hates. 

Jin raises his sickeningly sweet abomination of a frappe and levels it with his eyes, “Cheers.” He says with equal mockery he can muster.

-

**EXCLUSIVE: Idols Reunited over coffee?**

**Ex-bandmates Akanishi Jin and Kamenashi Kazuya were seen having coffee together. Are the talks about Kamenshi leaving the Jimusho true? Turn to A4 for the rest of the story and the witnesses’ account of their date. PLUS MORE PICTURES**

-

Despite what papers like to write about him, Jin is busy. He has an upcoming five-State US tour, one Chinese repackaged album, a single in few months and not to mention a garden to take care. So if he honestly forgets about the Starbucks Incident of 2015, it’s not really intentional.

Except no, this could be another episode of self-inflicted _Kamnesia._

Kamnesia or not, couple of days later he gets a text from Pi and it doesn’t make any sense at first.

_Hey. Bumped in to Kamenashi & askd for ur # He looks mad?? Something happened?? R u 2 talking again? Miss you xx_

He has spent the next fifteen seconds in wracking his brains on why would Kame need him when his phone rings. 

 “The girl you dumped, is she a make-up artist?”

It takes him about three seconds to recover. “Hello too, Kamenashi. Haven’t heard from you in a while.” He sits up straight from where he’s previously hunch over a table. He’s holed up inside the studio since six in the morning and a dull ache on his side is starting to creep in. It’s probably ulcer. Or his body has developed a weird way of physically manifesting any anticipated Kamenashi-induced stress.

“ _Akanishi.”_

“Yeah yeah. Jesus. She is. Why?” Sighing, he starts gathering up his things on the makeshift table. If he’s having conversation with Kamenashi over the phone in 2015 that doesn’t start with a curse, might as well call it a day because this day will not get any better.

“Well.” He starts with a loaded tone that implies that Jin will regret being born. “Emiko Amiya was my make-up artist for today’s shoot. And polite that girl is, Jin. You have an excellent taste in partners. Just really.  You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because she asked me in front of everyone in the shoot if I’m gay for you.”

Jin, because he has no shame whatsoever, laughs for good half minute, his right hand clutching the backrest of the chair for support. “No shit, she did?”

“Yes shit, she did.”

“What’d you say?”

“That I think it’s the other way around.”

Amazingly enough, Jin can feel the smugness dripping over the phone.

“Yeah sorry about that but I didn't really dump her, okay.” Jin feels the start of a familiar tension headache that is definitely Kamenashi-induced. “And before you bitch out, can you please at least listen to me first."

“Yeah. I guess.” He hears the other sigh over the line. “She most likely fucked up my make up today so yeah, I do have the time to listen to your pathetic hook ups.”

Jin rolls his eyes at that as he grabs the knob to close the door behind him. “She’s a good friend for some time now – um no. Acquaintance I guess? Whatever but we basically run in the same circle.” Kame stays silent on the other line.

“And, so yeah couple of months ago, she asked for a favor. There’s this event where she’d most likely bump to an ex. So she asked me to accompany her. Because who else is better suit to make your ex jealous than Jin Akanishi, I mean c’mon.”

“Oh fuck you, Jin.” Kame says but it has no heat.

“Oh you know that.” Jin replies. "I'm a great catch." He waves good-bye to the guard on duty and takes the lift to the level 2 parking. “So yeah, we went to that event and, like any other thing in my life apparently, and it got weird afterwards.”

Jin hears the other sneers and could almost see Kame rolling his eyes. “And instead of being a decent human being and tell her upfront that you’re not interested, you chicken out and pull the queer card. Incredible. Just incredible.”

“Look, I didn't do anything. She assumed a lot of things after the gossip article about us was released and I wasn't really in the mood in telling her that we aren't exactly harboring a deeply seated desire for each other.”  He presses the remote car key in his hand and a black sedan beeps back. "Well, not anymore."

Surprisingly, Kame simply huffs and says nothing. This is a revelation. Apparently they are now capable of referencing their torrid history in a normal conversation.

"But really, you did not deny it?" Jin asks. "Didn't throw me under the bus? That's surprisingly charitable of you."

"I have little patience for people that cannot separate their personal life from their professional life." He says simply, and wow isn't that a classic Kamenashi wisdom bite.

“But you basically implied that I am still after your skinny ass.” He dumps his bag at the back seat and mindlessly opens the AC and the radio.

Kame, the asshole, actually laughs back. “Implied? Ha!”

Jin has to stop himself from fiddling the volume dial of the radio and slowly evens out his breathing.

“Well, sorry for your make-up.” He tries to recover. “ For which magazine is it?”

“Popolo.”

“Okay. That's not exactly GQ. You will survive with an unblended contour in Popolo."

“Oh god. You think you're so brilliant, don't you?” Kame sounds genuinely disgusted and Jin feels weirdly triumphant that he can still rile up the other. "And fuck you. I may not have  _your_ jawline but I don't do contour."

Jin might have actually giggled. 

"Seriously, thanks and sorry. I owe you a drink for all the hassle. I know how much you hate workpace hostility.” Jin finds himself saying before he can even process it in his mind.

“You really do.” Kame’s voice now sounds so warm and Jin is pretty sure they are skirting a familiar, dangerous territory.

  _Fuck_.

“I’ll catch up with you when I get back.” Jin grits out, shutting his eyes closed. His mouth is dry. “I’m flying back to the states this weekend.”  

Pause.

“Yeah - sure. I’ll talk to you later then, um, Akanishi.”

 _Commitment phobic dickhead_ echoes at the back of Jin's head.

“Yeah. Er, bye.”

And Jin spends the next four minutes in his car, sitting in the dark and silently berating himself and his long list of wrong life choices.

-

**His Krazy Karacter**

**Sources confirm that in a recent photoshoot, a make up artist and the rest of the glam team walked out of the set because of this idol’s  primadonna tendencies. Will the management finally able to reprimand his sour attitude against the people he works with? Is he the reason why couple of his bandmates quit their group? Only time will tell.**

-

It’s been several of months of radio silence after that phone call between them when Junno comes practically bouncing in their meeting room. “Guess who I found in the cafeteria!”

Kame has started listing random gravure model names when Jin files behind Junno, totally chill. “’Sup.”

“Oh hey!” Maru walks to him from where he’s sitting in the corner dresser. “Look who realized we’re not yet dead to him after all.” He slaps Jin in the back. It’s a bit more forceful that what Jin expected and he stumbles.

“Who let you in?” Ueda as always has his priorities straightened out. Ueda reaches out and shakes his hand, “You gained weight.” He adds, totally straight-faced.

“Pi did. He snuck me in.” Jin answers cheerfully, squeezing Ueda’s hand as hard as he can. Ueda tsk’d at his attempt to retaliate. “You need to work out, man.” Ueda comments, dryly.

“Thought I’d say hello to my favourite Johnny’s group.” He grins at them when Ueda finally takes pity at him and releases his hand.

Alright. He’ll say it. He finds himself a bit emotional. When you’re out there alone, carrying a concert by yourself you tend to miss the security of having 5 other people to share the brunt of the anger of the management if anything fails amiss. Even if you are technically the management yourself. Or yeah, he could also just miss the heck out of them. Jin doesn’t know. He’s not really in the habit of dissecting his feelings. It’s _exhausting_.

Maru is going about the group’s concert and Junno's upcoming retirement, when Kame slowly gets up from the long table in the middle of the room.

“When did you get back?” Kame says easily, voice warm, and approaches them, hands folded behind his back – like a fucking a predator he probably truly is.

“Last weekend. I owe you a drink so here I am.” Jin replies in what he hopefully is a smooth manner.

Kame opens his mouth, “Really n –”

“Alright! We’re drinking then!” Maru claps his hands together, easily interrupting them and then: “Reunion!” He yells, punching the air like it’s still a cool thing a 32 year old man would do and, predictably enough, it’s only Junno who cheers back.

Jin's too old to pretend he dislikes the idea. He's way past that point. In fact, he actually joins Junno and Maru when they started doing the Real Face hand movement. 

"Oh my god." Kame says as the three of them started dancing. "Stop it. People might actually think we like each other. That's terrible to our group image."

Jin is still getting monthly royalties from Real Face. That freaking song has been paying off his mortgage. He will perform the hell out of this song until he's geriatric. 

“I don’t know you, people.” Ueda calls, sailing out of the room, effectively ignoring every one of them.

-

Somehow it becomes a legitimate impromptu reunion because through some divine orchestration, or could be just Junno whining, they end up in Koki’s restaurant slash karaoke place slash club.

“I don’t think you have any business sense.” Ueda says to Koki’s face, a minute into their mandatory tour of the place.

Koki jabs him in response but in the process, he accidentally knocks off three sake bottles perched on the shelf near them , driving them to a consensus of an indefinite truce.

"Let's pick up this argument later when there’s more alcohol in my blood stream." Ueda says.

-

“It’s not on the house. You fucking cheap pop stars.” Koki yells at Jin when he insists on it.

Koki is able to join them in their secluded make shift “VIP” room at the back of the kitchen sometime by nine. It’s really just a stock room cleared out and they can basically smell everything the kitchen staff is preparing. It’s both a blessing and a suffering.

“Oh come on, Koki!” Jin whines and since Jin doesn’t _whine_ , it’s probably the alcohol talking. Junno’s sitting on his other side and is frowning as he goes through the song list. Earlier, Koki has dragged a karaoke machine in the room and Junno’s been hogging the machine since then. God bless him.

Maru, with offensively bright eyes, starts: “So wait, let me get this straight – ” Koki, Ueda and even Junno  snicker in the background. “Oh fuck you guys.” Kame calls out.

 “ – you pretended to be someone else’s boyfriend and somehow,” Maru continues, unfazed by the side comments. “Kame also ended up pretending to be sleeping with you so you can get out of that mess? Wow you guys.” Maru says, delighted.

 “You guys are idiots.” Ueda declares with solid conviction.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Kame protests, standing up and almost knocking off his bottle of beer in the process.  “You know I don’t intentionally associate with Akanishi. We just got Friday’d together.” Kame’s wildly pointing his finger to Maru first then to Jin and then he pauses, blinks like he forgets why he’s pointing at people in the first place. There’s beer and soy sauce stains on his white starched shirt.

They’re all drunk. This is amazing.

“You are all drunk. This is amazing.” Yamapi says. His recording has ran late, and decided to crash their reunion. He just got there 10 minutes ago and currently nursing his first beer of the night. Yamapi then takes out his phone and starts taking pictures of them.

“Amazing.” He repeats.

“Shut up, Yamashita. You’re not even in KAT-TUN.” Ueda proceeds to throw a half-eaten gyoza at him.

"Oh please, half of the people here aren't part of KAT-TUN anymore either." Yamapi answers and he gets a collective "fuck yous" as a response.

 “Aww but Kame.  Admit it, getting Friday’d is fun!” Jin laughs as Junno starts singing something by Boyz II Men and Yamapi is taking a panorama picture of them and Koki is suddenly running to kitchen, yelling about something burning.

-

**EXCLUSIVE: KAT-TUN Reunion with Yamashita**

**This week it seems like the Akanishi Troop has new members – or should we say the original ones? Spotted outside Koki Tanaka’s bar were Kamenashi, Ueda, Nakamaru, Akanishi, Tageuchi – all current and ex-members of the Bad Boy Johnny’s Idol Group KAT-TUN. Seen with the group as well is Yamashita who is a known close friend of Akanishi.**

**Is this just a run-of-the-mill reunion of old friends or are the rumors true that Akanishi is going back to the Jimusho?**

  
-  
He has spent the last two days lounging around in his house, generally feeling inspired.  He did spend a good amount of time in shower over thinking on the reason of his good but strange mood but he gave up eventually and made the executive decision to put this goddam _inspiration_ to use. He’s been since then working on some of his music and, well, on his flowerbed too.

  
Sometime last year, he starts taking care of some flowers in his place here Japan. He has hydrangeas and peonies and some succulents.  When he's out of the country, his mom looks after it. Grudgingly. That woman has a black thumb.

And really, he’s quite proud of his tiny garden. 

Jin supposes that he can do this in LA – writing music, idling around, doing some gardening - but there’s something about being in Japan, in your own country, speaking your mother tongue and seeing old friends and families, going back to old routines, walking in familiar alleys and temporarily forgetting about why you change your routines in the first place – that makes him sentimental enough to write music. These songs will most likely never be recorded and heard by anyone aside from him because producers do not care about sentimentality anymore but Jin doesn’t care about that. He has stopped caring way before writing his own songs was even an option. If he ends up with thirty thousand unrecorded songs and then he’ll have thirty thousand songs to sing to himself.

-

“So you know about the Sony media launch next week?” Jin says the moment Kame comes to the phone.

“We’ve got to stop talking in the phone without properly greeting each other. Our mothers didn’t raise us this way, Jin.” Kame answers wryly.

Jin stretches out, supressing a yawn. “Good morning, Kamensahi. I was just wondering if you can spare few minutes of your day to talk to me. I hope that’s okay.”  

Jin feels an absolute idiot. This shouldn’t feel like this. This should be awkward and difficult. Not this particular brand of easy camaraderie that could only end up with either him writing Care Part Deux or never returning to Japan in like forever.

“Oh fuck off, Jin. What about the Sony launch?”

“I saw your name in the guest list. You want to go there together?” Jin finds himself rooted where he is leaning against the railings on his deck.

“Yeah, no problem with me.” Jin hears a faucet running in the background. It must be Kame’s day off and he’s staying in. He must have had lie in this morning and had a quick shower before walking his dogs in the park near his house. He must be wearing an old threadbare shirt and blue boxers, or he could be fully made up in boots and eyeliner – with Kame, you can never know. He can be, often times, both a mystery and a predictable motherfucker when he wants to.

Jin starts picking out the dirt under his nails, from when he worked with the hydrangeas earlier. “But why tho?” He hears the other ask.

“Can it not be possible I just want to hang out with my ex boy –”  Jin cringes internally. “–band member in an event we will, uh both attend anyway?”

“Jesus, no. Of course not.”

Jin slumps down on the wicker chair on the deck. He covers his face with his hand. “Okay. But don’t laugh. And I owe you one.”

“Spill, Akanishi. You’re wasting my phone’s battery.”

“Your favourite make-up artist, Emiko Amiya, will be there.”

“Who?” Kame asks, and then suddenly: “You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s been months. What the hell?”

Jin groans. “I know. Come on. Put this on my tab.”

“Don’t you have other ambiguously gay friends? God, Jin. It was barely amusing at the first time and I think it's for the best if we keep at that.” Kame says after few seconds, sounding perfectly exhausted _and_ livid. Jin doesn’t exactly miss this tone of his. Reminds him of things and _feelings_ he routinely chose to leave behind.

Jin feels a headache coming.  “Okay. I’ll lend you my bike. For a month.”

He actually hears Kame stops breathing. “The Ducati?”

“Nope. Got a new one. 2013 BMW HP4. 999cc Inline-4.”

Kame’s breathe hitches. “God damn it, Akanishi.” He says, cursing under his breathe.

“So? What do you say?”

There’s a pause and then slowly, “Do I have to hold hands with you or anything gross?”

“Unless you like to.”

“Yeah, no thanks. Alright. One month.”

“Not a single scratch. Deal?”

“Yeah whatever.” And Kame, because he’s Kame and he simply can, hangs up on him.

Jin ends up working on his hydrangeas for the rest of the afternoon, humming something sounding awfully like _Care_.

-

There are no holding hands or anything cheesy and predictable like that at least for the first two hours of the event because that’s, _hello_ , below them and it’s still an event with actual media covering it. So they keep to themselves but they do mingle with crowd together. At first, there's mild confusion with everyone in attendance because "They are not supposed to be together, right?" but then few drinks later, they’re a hit. They’ve always been a hit.

Separately, they can still command album sales and lead thousand of audience in sheer euphoria. But together – and that’s _intentionally_ together not some agency mandated appearance – they’re unstoppable. They’re two parts good in the eyes and three parts disarmingly charming.

Where Kame silently joins discussions on serious political matters and economic climate with that knowing nod and serious crinkled forehead of his, Jin comes in and delights people with his earnest commentaries and insights on pop culture and actual Sony product knowledge.

“PS4 compensates what Vita lacks.” Jin declares, shrugging to a small crowd.

  
One time after the key note speech, when Kame is expertly fake laughing at a certain joke of a Sony exec, Jin lets himself admit that he misses this. Misses how their partnership works, how they compensate for limitation of the other. It’s feels natural to stand next to Kame and hands him a flute of champagne as Kame flawlessly pretends credibility and listens as one of the investor discusses the merits of outsourcing factory production.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.” Jin whispers to Kame as the investor gets distracted with a roaming promo girl.

Kame gives him a once over, “This,” He stabs a finger at Jin’s chest, “is my crowd.”

 Jin grins at him, “Hustling has always been your best asset.”

Kame regards him with an unimpressed shrug, “I’ll take that as compliment.”

Jin’s about to push more, rile him up, sustain the high he’s feeling when he spots someone approaching them.

Emiko has a small, unsure but polite smile when she gets to their cocktail table. “I thought I’d say hello.”

Kame frowns and Jin knows that particular look. He’s filtering his thoughts, and probably failing at it so Jin steps in front of him, like a god fucking knight, and readies himself and his scripted litany when Emiko raises her hand, palms up.

“I’m sorry about everything.” She says, sounding weary down to her bones. “God, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry for exploding like that in front of everyone, Kamenashi. That was unprofessional of me.” She bows at them.

Jin sees the split second that it takes Kame to recover before smoothly saying: “We all have our bad days. That’s alright.” And then he offers her a winning smile like he’s used to public humiliation due to bouts of baseless one-sided jealousy.

Speechless, Jin just stares at the two of them.

“And Akanishi,” She starts, now looking a bit sick, “I know it got weird between us. I’m sorry for – ” She waves vaguely and Jin actually laughs at that. “Thank you for being such a good sport.”

Jin glances at Kame and the other shrugs.

“It’s alright. Yeah, let’s forget about.” Jin winks at her, grinning and – because he might as well –  reaches for Kame’s hand and slides his fingers around Kame’s.

Kame struggles for a bit before Jin hears a quiet _jesus_ , then a sigh and Jin finally feels the other eases into his grasp. Jin doesn’t care if he looks like a fucking idiot for smiling like one.

Emiko looks at them, surprised but she seems eager to end the conversation as well, opting to not comment any further. “Alright then. I’ll see you guys around.” With a smile and another quick bow, she walks off and that’s only when Jin notices a guy in a suit standing just few steps away from them.

When the unnamed guy welcomes Emiko with a half-embrace and slides his hand into hers, it all makes sense.

“Well she seems to have moved on from you.” He hears Kame say.

“Huh, I guess you’re right.” Jin shrugs, terribly distracted on how warm and solid Kame feels like pressed against his side.

“Oh and Jin,” Kame says, smoothly finishing his flute of champagne. “If you don’t let my hand go this instance, that one month will roll into six and I’m going to recklessly join street races just to piss you off.” Kame turns to him, smiling sweetly.

-

The next morning, with just barely two hours of sleep, Jin almost jolts out of the bed, waking up suddenly when his phone vibrates where it’s pressed between his face and the pillow. He peeks over his phone and sees an email from Kame with no subject line and just containing a link to a Chinese gossip site article with a blurred picture of two guys in gray and black suits holding hands. It could be anyone from the looks of it but Jin knows that stupid cropped hair of Kame anywhere, even from the goddamn moon.

Jin sleepily blinks at the screen several times, willing the text in the article to translate itself into Japanese.

A beat later he receives a separate SMS:

 _3 months_ <3

Jin proceeds to bury his face into his pillow and screams.

-

**Everyone seems to be delighted with the recent development with this couple. In a recent high profile event, these two were seen together and very close. So close in fact that they seem to be in a world of their own. There’s a long standing rumour about the real deal between the two of them but it has never been confirmed.**

**Everything should be okay if they are indeed in a relationship. But there’s a catch. They are both male and just like the event they’re spotted together, they are both very high profile. Are they finally going to admit their relationship amidst all the possible drama?**

**We can only hope but the best for them.**

-

Jin is neck deep busy in his garden, weeding out the wild ones when Pi breaks into his property by jumping over his fence, carrying a Lawson plastic bag and almost stepping over his marigolds.

“Hey watch it!” Jin stands up quickly, removing his gardening gloves.

Yamapi blinks at him, freezing mid step. “Is that a straw hat?”

“I tan easily, okay? Jesus.” Jin quickly takes the hat off and throws it at the side. “What are you doing here? It’s 10 am.” Jin looks at him closely, noting the crazy eyes and stubble. “Did you just come from work?”

“ _Yes_.” Yamapi says in English, with such pure agony.

Jin stares at him, waiting for the other to elaborate.

Yamapi throws him a dirty look instead, sitting down on the top step to the lanai. “I’m here on emergency best friend duties.”

“On a what?”

Yamapi groans at the sky and seems to be mouthing _why me_.  

“Oh my god stop being so melodramatic.” Jin says, sighing and feeling already tired, “What is it?”

Instead of dignifying that with a response, Yamapi grabs a beer can from the Lawson bag and throw it at Jin. “Drink up. You’ll need it.” Pi tells him, his eyes closed like he’s reserving all his energy.

It’s 10 in the morning and Jin is still at loss on what exactly is happening but he won’t pretend this is the first time he consumed alcohol before noon _and_ he’s not exactly the type to say no to free beer either.

Suspicious, Jin sits down on the ground in front of Pi and watches as the other smoothly finishes his beer in one swig. Yamapi has his face scrunched up like he’d rather be anywhere than sitting in Jin’s porch right at this moment.

“You know what I saw when I walked in the parking lot this morning after my overnight meeting slash prep work for my concert which would probably fail spectacularly because our vendor for the lighting screwed up big time and I’m might be getting out of topic right now.” Yamapi finally breaks his silence, exhaling and looking terribly pained at having this conversation.

Jin shakes his head, confused with just about everything. “ _Jesus_. Are you high? You can tell me.”

“Kamenashi.” Yamapi continues, blatantly ignoring Jin. “Kamenashi getting down from a very familiar bike which I know for sure isn’t his because I don’t think red and black is his colour scheme and I think he’s still pretending that he only drives smart cars.”

Jin is frowning.

Pi looks at him, “Jin, what are you guys doing?”

“We have a deal.” Jin explains, himself getting impatient. He has very important gardening things to do you know. “He helped me out on a hook up mess. You know that. Where are you getting at?”

Jin hears something like a growl and then Pi kicks him. “No, asshole. What are you _two_ doing? _”_ Yamapi drawls slowly.

“Do you not remember the last time you both tried to do _this?”_ He hisses, gesturing vaguely and angrily in the air.

“Do you want a repeat of what happened to your BtR con? Did you just forget that it almost didn’t push through because you both stupid assholes are busy throwing expensive concert equipments at each other in the backstage arguing over an alleged _third party_. And you’re not even dating then!” Yamapi does all but shrieks. A particular vein on his temple seems to explode any minute now. Jin is, quite frankly, concerned.

He opens his mouth but Pi glares at him. “Do not start with me, Akanishi Jin. I’m not above ringing your mother.” Jin closes his mouth and decides it’s not worth to argue with a sleep deprived, possibly tipsy Yamapi. Decades of friendship and hundreds of blackmail material against him are the only things stopping him from punching Pi straight in his face right now.

“And then the first time?!” Pi’s pulling his hair now, “The first time you both decided to act on your stupid mutual boner? A Johnny’s group almost disbanded mere 4 months into their debut and you –“ He presses an angry finger to Jin’s forehead, “fucking ran to the States broken hearted.”

 Jin blinks and blows a hair out of his eyes.  

“I don’t even want to talk about Nobuta, okay.” Yamapi says, massaging his temples now.  “Why, _why_ are you two doing this _again_?”  

Jin stares down on his now empty beer can. “It’s – It’s not like that, Pi.”

“Cut the fucking crap, alright, Jin? You can’t even look at me in the eyes.”

“What do you what me to say, Pi? Because honestly I don’t know, okay? I just don’t.”

Jin carefully throws his back out, until he’s completely lying on the dirt and looking up the clear sky, arms splayed at his side. There’s an overwhelming desire for Jin to grab that trowel near him and stabs it to his leg.

“Do you even talk about it? Or are you still both incapable of having an actual conversation?” Jin hears a soft sizzling sound as Pi opens another beer.

“Big fucking pink elephant in the room.” Jin says, agreeing and he hates, hates, _hates_ all of this.

-

They’ve been never been together, per se. That’s ridiculous. But there are about 800 times they almost did. They’d both pull hard against each other, avoiding each other for weeks, months like the presence of the other gives them hives – only until one relatively harmless glance or accidental touch on a crowded darkened backstage would make them crash together, explosive and knocking themselves breathless.

They have kissed a total of twelve times including three legitimate regretfully sober make out sessions, slept together thrice, and, quite recently, one ill-advised public hand-holding.

But they’ve never been together because aside from _yuck, gross no thanks_ , they have absolutely the worst possible timing and the innate ability to be such pain in the ass and too fucking egoistic to meet half way and actually discuss matters at hand.  

-

After three days, seven angry voicemails and about a dozen of carefully worded emails and SMS, Kame seems to have had it and drops by the studio unannounced to berate Jin on his apparent irresponsibleness as a bike owner. Apparently Jin hasn’t done any routine maintenance check in, let alone done a change oil for the first 10,000 miles.  For someone who should be furious about the whole thing, Kame looks _thrilled_ as he methodically lists down the things Jin has fucked up.

“She’s wasted on you.” Kame has somehow managed to make himself comfortable, draping himself over the beat up couch in the live room. He looks absolutely sleazy.

 Jin decides to put a safe distance between the two of them and is content to where he’s seated by the controllers, a good few feet away from the said sleazy motherfucker.

Jin stares at him, unimpressed.

“Can you just give me the documents? I’ll do it myself. ” Kame sighs, tapping his fingers against his leg.

“Right.” Jin swivels his chair to face the controller, having no desire to witness Kame’s smugness. “Will you finally get out of my hair if I do that?”

“You’d like that, don’t you?”   

 Jin can’t help but make a face in response as he haunches over the controller, expertly pretending to be busy. 

“I have to finish this first though.” He gestures to the laptops and controllers. “Either you sit there pretty and wait for me or I’ll drop off the documents at your place or whatever.”

“I can wait.” A beat. “What are you working on?”

And that’s how Jin ends up with this particular predicament.

Jin glances at voice booth mournfully, wishing he could just holed up there inside _and die_ instead of trying to make himself invisible as Kame listens to his new materials. Kame has his head thrown back resting against the wall behind the couch, neck exposed, eyes closed, and arms crossed on his chest.

Jin looks between Kame and the clock, waiting for the last song – an old school ballad in Japanese – to finish, unintentionally timing his own rapid, shallow breathing with the movement of the second hand. Two songs have passed and Kame doesn’t provide any comment, he simple nods at Jin, gesturing to move on to the next.

And when the last song finally ends, when the last note fades into silence, there is nothing. Time seems to have stopped and stretched inside the small live room. A black hole has opened in the middle of the room and warped the small space and their very existence into oblivion – suspending them in a steady state of absolute nothingness –   

And then Kame exhales, long and slowly, breaking the magic. Jin sees Kame opens his eyes, dark and determined, trace of the smugness earlier all gone.

Jin suddenly feels light on his head, remembering the other times he has seen Kame looking exactly like this – one time when they’re nineteen and seventeen and it was too bright and summer and they’re sweaty and tired to their toes and mindlessly numb from training and Jin goes blank with desire, doesn’t think twice when he crossed the last centimeters between their mouths, tasting Kame for the first time.

 “I think that last one would be better as a duet.” Kame says, his voice quiet but simmering with confidence.

And before he can even process what he’s about to say, Jin blinks at the other: “Do you want to have a crack at it?”

-

Jin has woken up one morning few months ago with a muse that won’t leave him. He locks himself in his room for two days, sorting out the thousand of words swirling around his head, making him feel a good kind of sick and eventually he gets around writing the song. First it’s in English and he proceeds to record a demo of it with him and just his guitar but he spends the next few nights turning and tossing in bed, uneasy and stressing over it until he decides to scrap it and works it to be in Japanese. But after all the rework something still feels lacking and displaced and despite working himself to near-death, he can’t put figure it out but –

Jin _is_ shaking.

Presently in this small studio, with just the two of them and with nothing but Kame’s rough-in-the-edges but raw-as-a-fuck voice fills the room, as he watches Kame easily works his way through the song, singing and humming and sounding fucking perfect like he’s born to be sing Jin’s ultimate muse– Jin knows that any moment now he’s gonna burst in tiny millions of irrelevant pieces because this is it, this is what has been missing from the very beginning.

“This is perfect.” Jin says to the mic, standing up. He is too out of it, too fucking wired. Every shred of his existence centred and focused.

Kame stares back at him from inside the booth.

Jin knows he’s trembling when he touches the glass separating the voice booth from the control room, reaching out to Kame.

Kame then smiles at him, small and secretive – like they’re seventeen and nineteen again, curious and feeling mindlessly brave.

 “Get your ass in here. Let’s try to do this together.” 

-

In Jin’s crazy journey to creative and artistry independence, Kame has been a constant presence. Not always physically of course but Jin would often find himself considering what would the other do in certain situations. Would Kamenashi like this song? Of the transitioning of this album? He holds Kamenashi’s existence real to him, everyday. Not letting himself forget about the small victories they’ve shared when they’re younger and eager to do great things together. He does certain things – consciously and otherwise –  to prove to Kamenashi that he can do it, by himself and that all the stupid fights and burned bridges are worth it and that he’s not wasting every opportunity given to him.

But sometimes, and there are just too many instances that Jin wishes he can deny, that he does things in the hopes to rile the other just for the hell of it: uncoordinated lives, borderline indecent photo shoots and embarrassingly crude lyrics – but most importantly and surprisingly unrelated to their means of living – how Jin would still send holiday and birthday gifts to all of Kamenashi’s parents and all three brothers even to this day.  These are all expensive, over the top and actual thoughtful gifts that is sure to leave Kamenashi simply furious.

“DID YOU JUST GIVE MY PARENTS TICKETS TO A HOLIDAY MEDITERRANEAN CRUISE?!” Yells Kame at him, one time back in 2012, over Skype. He doesn’t know how Kamenashi got hold of his Skype details but he’s crediting it to Yamapi not having balls.

They haven’t talked in four months and Jin’s been in the States during that time. In retaliation, Kamenashi sends him an inexpensive toy camera, a photography coffee table book, a crochet hook, some yarns, a pack of flower seeds and some cheap gardening tools in the express mail.

 **Pick one. You need a better hobby. KK.** The enclosed note says.

He’s particularly cheery the whole day, after sending Kamenashi a tacky singing Christmas card in response.

-

“Why do I always end up doing things for you for you free?” Kame asks when Jin hands him an ice cream. They’re huddled at the corner table in an empty Family Mart few steps from the studio and it’s almost two in the morning.

“Come on. Do this pro bono.” Jin opens a bag of chips and places it in front of them.

They ended up doing three different demo of the song with Kame helping with the arrangement.  They’ve only decided to call it a night when Kame began nagging him about lost sleep, creative licenses and: ‘your god fucking bike, we’re not yet through with that. Stop distracting me with your stupid music.’.  

“And besides, you sounded great.” Jin bumps his shoulder with Kame.

Jin catches Kame’s eyes for the briefest moment and Jin feels something familiar crawling and slithering inside his chest. Kame moves to cover his mouth with a hand and mumbles something incomprehensible.

“What?” Jin scoops closer, his knees brushing against Kame’s.

“Nothing.” Kame’s not looking at him anymore.  He’s hunch over his ice cream cone and he’s pulling the cuff of his sweater over his fingers and the ice cream is melting and he’s making a mess of himself.

“What is it?” Jin tugs Kame’s scarf so that he’ll turn to face Jin and when he does, Jin isn’t entirely prepared to see that flush covering the other’s face.

“I said I only sound like that when I sing with you.” Kame says quietly, facing Jin but determinedly not looking at him and it takes all of Jin’s decade-long self-resolve to not kiss him pathetically and equally messy as Kame’s ice cream-stained sweater cuff right there and then.

-

**Kamenashi and Akanishi trashes a kombini after midnight**

**These two former bandmates have been seen together frequently and the latest is what it seems like a midnight visit to a kombini near the [retracted] station. Witnesses say they’re rowdy and a bit drunk and scared the cashier to tears.**

**Is it too late for Kamenashi to get away from Akanishi’s bad influences?**

-

It’s still pretty early and the sun is barely setting outside when Yamapi steps inside his apartment and discovers Jin looking comfortably settled in his couch, watching KAT-TUN’s Break the Record DVD in his darkened living room.

Yamapi drops his bags on the floor, cursing. On the TV, Jin and Kame are fighting whilst suspended on air and Jin is intentionally losing.

He looms over the couch where Jin’s curled up under a blanket. “It’s not that you’re not welcome but, what the fucking hell, Jin.”

Wordlessly, Jin picks up the remote from the floor, pausing the DVD and throws his cellphone to Yamapi.

“Listen to that track.” His own voice sounds rough to him. 

Yamapi frowns at him before sitting down on the floor and fumbling with the phone to play the track. He stays quiet for the duration of the song but by the time the song has finished, he has found himself curled up on the floor.

“Oh my god.” Yamapi buries his face on his hands.

Jin peeks over from where he is curled up. “Yeah?”

Yamapi looks up to him, “I want to cry.”

Jin makes a pained face. “We sound –”

“- fucking perfect together. Yeah.” Yamapi finishes for him, sighing and sounding completely defeated.

“Do you need alcohol – what am I saying, of course you need tons of it.” He says, shaking his head as he stands. “I have some good whisky here. Just – ” He moves a bit closer and punches Jin’s shoulder. Jin doesn’t budge.

“Just stay there, alright? I still have KAT-TUN’s complete discography and Kame’s newest movie.” Yamapi smiles at him – it’s bit crooked at the side but they both know that that’s the best he can do right now.

“I’m sorry.”

Yamapi exhales, pinching the bridge his nose. “Sometimes I think I was put to Earth just for have someone to deal with you whenever you realize you are – .” He stops and makes vague gestures towards the other.

“This is absolutely not fair.” Jin sobs, pressing his palms on his eyes. “Did you hear our harmonization?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I did. I did.” Yamapi says absently as he scouts all the alcohol inside his apartment.

-

“So what’s the game plan?” Jin hears Yamapi ask as they’re lying on the floor couple of hours later. It’s almost four in the morning now and Jin is clutching a dying pen light he has no idea where it came from. The movie has ended a while ago but the ending score of Kame’s movie is still ringing over Jin’s ears.

“There’s no game plan. I’m going back to States and cry myself to sleep for the next seven months.”  Jin replies, feeling awfully sober for someone who just raided someone’s alcohol stash.

“That sounds like a game plan to me.” Yamapi sighs beside him.

Jin knows this has happened countless times before. It’s all sorts of terrible, really. It’s the familiar pull. And Jin wants to jump into it without any reservation. But it’s never the right time for them. They’re about to debut. They just debut. Jin just came back. There’s a new drama. They have a new album. Kame is having a crisis. Someone’s dog is having a bloody crisis.

In those times, it always feel justified not to take that dratted leap of faith but whenever Jin allows himself to really think about, it all just feels a bundle of flimsy excuse.

Jin hears Yamapi sighs again and he knows that he’s probably thinking about the same thing. No one would willingly take a front row in their routine drama of feelings and Jin feels guilty every time he loops anyone in his continuous descent to madness.

Jin nudges Yamapi’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you end up with crappy friend like me.”

Yamapi has his eyes closed. “Too late for that.”

“Yeah I guess but – Pi, I’m so tired of this.” Jin’s voice breaks and Yamapi instinctively reaches out to him, squeezing his shoulder.

“You know what to do. Even before all this mess and adult life complications – you already know what to do.”

Jin can’t help but groan loudly, turning away from him, “Ugh, stop being cryptic, Pi. I can’t process that right now –”

Best friend duties and all, Yamapi kicks Jin to his butt. “Serves you fucking right.”

-

A week later, Jin’s business manager sends him a legitimate Outlook meeting invite. Jin stares at his laptop for a long time.

An Outlook invite could mean two things: A Huge Record Deal or a PR Fall Out. The attached note isn’t particularly helpful either: _This is something potentially huge. Please wear something decent._

It wouldn’t be the first time if this is PR fire fighting and, if Jin is being absolutely honest with himself, wouldn’t be the last time too. But the thing is, Jin has led an embarrassingly boring life of song writing and gardening for his stay here in Japan. His late night kombini visit with Kame two weeks ago could be something worth the scandal, but blurred pap pics do not usually require his business manager’s intervention, nor does it call for him to be this annoyingly secretive about it. And besides, Johnny’s has already done a great job on spinning that story.

 _Should I be worried?_ Jin types in,wary.

 _Depends._ His manager replies, obnoxiously obtuse, 23 hours later.

-

When Jin walks into the conference room in some hotel wearing a suit that actual fits him, there are two other people he doesn’t recognize in the table.

Oh sure, Jin is always up for surprise, especially if it involves 4th of July celebration, puppies and, in some occasion, recreational foreplay – not necessarily all three in one surprise. But he actively tries to avoid surprises in his means of living because frankly, operating a music career in this economy without a major label is game of Russian Roulette itself.

Jin shoots a curious look at his manager, who not only grinned back at him but is looking absolutely pleased with himself.

 “Erika Yoshino, Regional Corporate Marketing Head for Sony.” The woman bows briefly before moving to shake Jin’s hand firmly.

And before he can properly exchange greetings like a proper adult human being he is, the second person comes to him, “Mr. Akanishi. I’m from Johnny’s and Associate. I’m relatively new so we’ve never been introduced before.”

Jin, now absolutely confused, blinks back at him. “This is something unexpected.” He says smoothly, trying to recover only be completely floored by the view of Kamenashi, steadily approaching them with his trademark sleazy swagger.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” He greets at them, bowing.

-

Jin hears Kame fall steps into his pace as they walk in the dark basement parking. He can barely make up the silhouette of the other in the darkness.  

“Did you know about this?” Jin asks, dragging his feet against the floor. The meeting has lasted just over an hour but he feels like he has died and has been forcibly resurrected against his will.

“Hmm, a bit. Yeah.” Kame looks at him, nodding. “What do you think?”

Jin considers. “It’s crazy but I’m up for it. You lot is the one to decide, you know.”

Kame nods again, a bit distracted. “My lot. But not me.”

Jin stops in front his car, patting his pockets for his key. “But this is something that needs to wait.” He glances at Kame over his shoulder. “I’m flying to Shanghai this Thursday. I have to sort out my other projects there.”

Kame shrugs. A beat then Kame moves, still distracted, and tugs the end of Jin’s half-pony tail. “Cute.”

Jin blinks, because what. “What?”

And Jin knows that precise moment when Kame catches up with himself because his face suddenly drowns in a storm of expression: shock, embarrassment and, lastly – with a solid punch to Jin’s gut – regret.

Kame steps back, his face drawn up tight. No one says anything for a long time.

Jin covers his face with a hand. “Kame, what are we doing?” He whispers. The floor beneath him shakes, and since Kame isn’t panicking that probably means he’s dizzy, with the air sucked out of his lungs, and not because there’s an earthquake.

“Oh,” Kame’s eyes are round and his face is indescribable. “Are we talking about _this_?”

The way Kame says _this_ is loaded – loaded with ammunition ready to take them out this moment.

Jin shuts his eyes. “Kame –” 

Kame suddenly laughs in the dark, but there’s no mirth. “Jesus, Jin. I don’t know.”

“We can’t keep doing this.” Jin says, drawing out a breath.

Kame looks at him, “Yeah, we can’t. We’re too old for this, Jin.” He agrees, in a tone of someone giving up without even trying –

Something snaps inside Jin. Something hot uncoils within him, slithering to his spine. Something that’s been there for far too long; something that he’s been feeding for a decade now. He moves all too sudden and forces himself to Kamenashi’s space. “You didn’t answer.”  He whispers, face too close, voice rough. It’s been too long since he’s this close to Kame. _Too long_. And he doesn’t know what to do with that information.

Kame’s always been that one person that can easily flicks off Jin’s cognitive ability and stripped him down to his bare instincts.

Kame’s eyes are piercing and _mad_ for reasons beyond Jin, “Good night, Akanishi.” He says and steps away from Jin.

Kame bows at him, and has started to walk away when Jin feels panic bubbling inside him and blurts out, “I’m willing to give this a shot.”

Again and again and _again_ , Jin feels bare down to core, grounded whenever Kamenashi is concerned.

Kame stops and turns to him. Only half of his face visible. “Why?”

For second time that night, they stand motionless for a long time.

Why, indeed.

“I’m flying on Thursday.” Jin replies instead. “Think about it – _this_ – and let me know. I – ”  There’s a flurry of movement as he unlocks the car and opens the door, and then he wills himself to look at the other.

“Let’s talk, once and for all.” There’s a distinct drop to his voice, and he’s not above to admit that he’s close to begging.

Jin tries his best to not look back on his side mirror as he wheels out of the parking, leaving Kame alone in the dark.

-

When Thursday morning came and Kame still hasn’t reached out to him, Jin surmises he should be broken but he’s, well, surprisingly not. It doesn’t feel like a rejection. It’s just a dull-aching realization that with Kame, there will never be that sense of finality between them. They will never be able to get out of this limbo of confused feelings and bruised egos.

He spends the rest of his morning waxing poetic about his feelings and Kame’s ridiculously coiffed hair to his succulents.

However, about an hour before Jin leaves his house, his phone vibrates with a text from Kame.  

_what airline & what time is your flight_

He blinks at his screen for couple of seconds, toying with the idea of ignoring it until his curiosity wins over him.

_korean air, 6:45 boarding. why?_

He carefully places his phone down on the center of his coffee table and retreats back to the couch, eyeing the phone warily.

For all intents and purposes, he is expecting a reply but not a call.

“I’ll see you in the airport.” Kame says when Jin answers.

“Where are you?”  Jin tries his best not to panic. “We can talk now.”

“No,” Kame pauses. “I’ve booked my flight. I’ll – I’ll come with you.”

-

Jin doesn’t know how the other did it but somehow Kame’s already checked in by the time Jin’s at the airport. When he spots him in the boarding gate, Kame’s seated at the back, away from the noisy children, wearing an obnoxious wayfarer and is bundled up cosily in warm sweater and a matching monochromatic poncho.

Jin walks autopilot and sits next to him. He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Jin would stress about the awkward silence if he isn’t feeling constipated about the whole situation.

Few minutes into their charged up silence, Jin lets his guard down and moves closer to Kame. When their elbows touch, he feels Kame tense up.

Kame exhales shakily. “You’re always conveniently out of the country whenever – ” Kame starts, facing Jin but his one hand covering his lower face. “Whenever I feel like something could finally _happen_.” He ends his sentence in barely above a whisper.

Jin can’t help but reach out and tips Kame’s shades down to look at his eyes. They’re red and tired, just like Jin’s. “It’s not intentional.” He says.

Kame looks down at his lap. “I know. I know.”

Under the poncho, Jin moves to cover Kame’s hands with his.

It takes about 6 minutes and 44 seconds of fidgeting from Jin before Kame turns his palm over and laced their fingers together.

-

**Akanishi to Shake Up China**

**Japanese Singer and Media personality, Jin Akanishi is expected to arrive in Shanghai for his new album, Me. The single will released on June 24.**

-

Jin finds himself knocked out ten minutes into the flight. Kame is couple of seats away from him and he’d love to Discuss Matters At Hand, but god, romancing is hard.

Romancing Kamenashi is Hard should be the title of his next album. He’s halfway through dreaming of his tracklist when there’s movement on the supposedly empty seat next to him. He opens one eye to see what’s happening only to completely sit up right, totally awake now, when he realized Kame’s sitting there now.

“Hey. Sorry I woke you up.” He says softly. His eyes are droopy and he looks tired and he probably is tired and he should look tired and unattractive, but. He is. Super endearingly attractive right now, under the dim lights of the first class cabin with a soft looking scarf wrapped around him. And Jesus, if Jin isn’t convinced on his feelings for Kame at this point, he is now.

Operating on sleep deprivation and blinded affection, Jin reaches out to the other over their seat partition. It’s uncomfortable but clasping Kame’s shaky hands into his is worth it.

“It’s alright. You’re alright.” He smiles at him.

They spent the rest of the flight holding hands in silence, and fighting their sleepiness together.

-

It’s Day 2 of Shanghai JINvasion but they still haven’t Discuss Matters At Hand.

They haven’t even _kissed_.

Jin has just been collapsing on the same bed as Kame for the past two nights, and that’s it.

Normally, Jin would be stressing about this terribly depressing turn of events but the moment he has stepped out of the airport he’s been sucked on a whirlwind of media appearances, interview sit downs and business meetings that not dying out of exhaustion has been his priority for the past 24 hours.

Jin wakes up to the sound of the bathroom door opening and then closing. He doesn’t move from his burrito of fluffy white blanket and is content to just stare after Kame as he moves around their room, getting reading for the day. Kame’s movement is lazy, dragging his bare feet across the carpeted floor. He’s humming under his breath as he pulls up some pants.

When Kame’s eyes stray to the bed, Jin doesn’t have the time to fake his way out of his obvious creeping. “Oh, hi. Did you just wake up?”

“Mmmmm.” Jin replies, determined not to move from his burrito heaven.

Kame pads his way to him and sits on the bed, next to Jin. Jin’s still half-asleep brain is focused on how the soft morning light seeping through the curtains is reflecting on the bare skin of Kame’s upper body.

“You’re shining.”

Kame laughs, “What?”

Jin groans because he has to move and he doesn’t want to, but he needs to if he wants to educate Kame on his shinning existence.

“Light. You’re shining.” He pokes a finger on Kame’s waist. The skin’s soft. And wow. He forgot about that part too.

“Oh god, Jin. Are you still asleep?” Kame is grinning at him and Jin needs some coffee.

“Needs coffee.” He says, trying his best not to touch Kame.

“Sure. We’ll get there. But what’s your schedule today?”

“- time is it?”

“Quarter to eight.”

Jin groans again, this time loudly. He struggles for a bit, throwing the covers and sitting up right against the headboard.

“Meeting and interviews at 10 all the way to 3. Few hours to kill until 7PM for some dinner.” He presses the heel of his palm on his eyes. Enumerating his schedule is already making him dizzy.

“Sorry – I know I left you alone yesterday as well but I have free ti – ”

Kame touches his arm. “It’s alright. I did come with you unannounced. I can keep myself busy.”

Jin looks at him for a long time. He is probably still asleep because his brain short circuited and kisses Kame.

He hasn’t brushed his teeth yet and his mouth probably stinks but kissing Kame is the only real thing right now. And thank heavens for small miracles because Kame is kissing him back, his mouth soft, hands fisting Jin’s night shirt.

Jin’s the one to pull away but only to rest their forehead together. “We have absolutely the shittiest timing in the history of forever.”

Kame buries his head under Jin’s chin with a huff and laughs, “We sure do.”

“Thanks for coming. I don’t know what kind of favors you called in but I know you’re as busy as I am and dropping all of it just to come here with me that’s – that’s unheard of.”

Kame moves to sit between Jin’s legs, “I’ll deal with it when I come back.” He says breezily.

Jin nods because he knows there’s a lot of dealing they will have to endure. And not just when they come back to Japan but even now, here in this impersonal hotel room, together, there’s a lot things that needs to be sorted.

He looks down on their laced fingers. This is all new for him, for them and it’s freaking hilarious when you think about it. But now that’s he is somewhat awake and with his brain gears working, he doesn’t know what to do from this point on.

“Are we doing this then?” He asks quietly, giving Kame’s hand a squeeze to make his point.

“You mean me dropping everything to come with you as you charm your way through China’s robust market and while I mope around in this hotel isn’t clear enough for you?”

Jin raises an eyebrow, “You’re not moping in here all day. I can see all the shopping bags, you know.”

Kame shrugs at that. “Well, you know.” And he breaks into a smile so wide, his eyes are wrinkly and his mouth is all teeth and he is such an absolute dork that Jin can’t help but kiss him again. Jin is so fucking screwed.

-

Jin is so fucking screwed.

Because Chinese fans are a dedicated bunch and have decided to camp outside his hotel and by now, pictures of Kame and himself getting inside the same hotel service car this morning have possibly spread in the internet like wildfire. 

He’d hate the world but they have nothing to blame but themselves, he thinks as groans into his hands. Kame merely gives him a sympathetic pat on the knee before he steps out of the car, leaving Jin to Deal With Things.

Sure enough, two hours later he gets a Skype call from his Business Manager.

“You look like shit.” His manager greets abnormally chirpy.

“I need a PA. I’m pretty sure I can afford one.” Jin sighs at his phone screen. He’s alone in a corner of some studio, in between interviews. A mix of Mandarin words and his own music ringing over his ears.

“Sure, I guess. So listen – Kamenashi. He’s there with you?”

Jin doesn’t have the time to run this with Kame because the asshole, as lovely as he is, is out, busy maxing his credit cards. Jin doesn’t even have the energy to run this with _himself_.

“Yeah. Will it be a problem?” Jin tries to keep his void of any emotions.

His manager hums for a moment. “Not on our account, I think. As long as he cleared it with his own people.”

Jin squints at the screen. “Is it really? Then why am I on skype with you right now when you didn’t even send a text when I apparently trashed a kombini with Kamenashi last month?”

“For starters, Sony hasn’t come to us offering a 2 year endorsement contract at that time. And you’ve been doing this for what, 15 years? You know this shit, Akanishi.”

“Alright, so what you just missed me?” Jin rolls his eyes.

His manager sighs. “Okay, listen. I would ask what’s the real deal, but I won’t. I’m not your publicist. Your hook ups are not my problem. But deals and contracts are. And this Sony gig is big and they want the both of you. Your sightings with him worked to our advantage, intentional or not. So it’s up to you.” He pauses and Jin has the urge to end to call right there.

“But really, Akanishi. Whatever this is – you know how this would play out. Tread carefully. Think about this. You don’t do these things half-baked.”

Jin shuts his eyes and sags to his chair. “Consider yourself understood.”

-

**SPOTTED Kamenashi Kazuya in Shanghai.**

**The internet is buzzing today with pictures of Johnny’s Jimusho Talent Kamenashi Kazuya emerging from a hotel in Shanghai with Johnny’s former Talent, Akanishi Jin. Akanishi is currently in Shanghai as part of his promotional tour for his album.**

**There has been a lot of media speculation on a possible reunion project for the two former bandmates after the numerous sightings of them but their respective agencies are mum on the matter.**

-

It takes Jin couple of seconds to realise the elevator door is open and he’s already on his floor. It takes him few more seconds before he staggers out of the elevator.

Jin is a simple man. Tonight he wants nothing but to spend the next two hours in the bath. With Kame possibly.

When he steps inside their hotel room, he sees the other by the desk talking to someone in his laptop, with one in-ear phones on. Kame lifts a hand in a small wave to him before focusing back to the person on the screen. Jin can’t see who it is but he can make some educated guess based on the pinched look Kame is currently sporting. He usually reserves that perfect balance of exasperation and blank politeness for his manager.

“Yes. Yes. I understand.” Kame’s twisted face implies that he, in fact, does not. “But I’m pretty sure they can manage without me for few days.”

Jin drops his bag to the couch as quietly as he can. He stands there for a second, figuring out a way to cross the room for his suitcase and the bathroom without making himself visible to Kame’s manager.

“I did like a million shows for Dreamboys, I’m pretty sure I can manage a same day flight to and from Okinawa.” Kame has an iPad open on his lap and he’s jotting few notes on his planner. He doesn’t look exhausted but he seems to be getting increasingly impatient.

Jin numbly tries to follow the one sided conversation but when Kame’s voice has slowly warped into some muffled disembodied voice and his knees are somewhat trembling, he squares his shoulder and walk to the other side of the room. He doesn’t pause when he passes by Kame. Jin has dealt with language barrier for 14 hours today. Surely Kame can deal with his manager when Jin makes a 3 second cameo appearance on their video conference.

 “ – yeah. Send those to me and I’ll look go through the.  Give me until tomorrow and I’ll let you – ”

Jin closes the bathroom door behind him but leaves it unlocked. Jin is also a ridiculous optimist.

When he sinks down the tub, he fights to keep his mind blank, void of the uncertainties that lie beyond their hotel room.

-

The next time Jin opens his eyes he can hear Kame on the sink, brushing his teeth.

“Are you alright there?” Kame calls out.

“Yeah.” replies Jin. His vision is still hazy from the power nap, the steam and, possibly, exhaustion. The water is still warm though. “You’re done with your call?”

There’s a movement and then Jin can make out Kame’s silhouette on the shower curtain. “Can I?” Kame asks quietly.

Kamenashi – who knows his place in every social situation, whose self-confidence is eminent, and whose mere presence reduces Jin into a pathetic horny, confused ball of mess – is asking Jin on the one thing that he wants nothing but exactly that. He’s asking Jin unsurely, uncharacteristically meek like his whole existence hasn’t spent the last decade slowly taking over of all of Jin’s self-preservation.

It’s completely and utterly ridiculous that Jin can’t help but feel three hundred different kinds of affection towards him that moment.

Jin reaches out and pushes the curtain open, “Always.” He says valiantly with a smirk.

Kame makes a show of disgust – rolling his eyes, undignified noise and all, but he still sinks down to the tub and presses his mouth against Jin’s shoulder.

“All good?” Jin sighs onto Kame’s hair, as the other settles in, his arms circling around Kame’s torso.

Kame twists his head and looks at Jin, “Right now? Yeah, all good.”

-

A lot can be said about Kame. Relentless Perfectionist. Dork extraordinaire. (Questionable) Connoisseur of the Arts. Top Notch Eyebrows. The list can go a meter long and more.

But one thing that doesn’t always get explored on the topic of Kamenashi is his flexibility.

But that’s acceptable, given that Japan’s general public hasn’t slept with him. Seen him perform on stage, gyrating against any surface with so much passion that even inanimate objects will get hard? Sure. Countless time, even.

But on bed?

Jin will never forgive himself for forgetting this particular information because _jesus christ on a stick._

If it’s any possible, Jin sinks further on the mattress as Kame works his mouth, focused on his goal of wrecking Jin. And Kame is nothing but ruthless when he has zero’d on a goal.

How long has it been since the last time Kame was on his bed? Three? Four years? _This isn’t fair._ Kame shouldn’t know his way to Jin’s body like a seasoned explorer.

“- god, Kame.” Jin grunts as Kame shifts and hooks his arms under Jin. There’s a possibility that Jin has blacked out and merely moving on his primal instinct, but he allows himself to get pulled up, to follow that single source of pleasure.

He blinks when consciousness comes to him and discovers he’s braced over Kamenashi, his weight supported by his elbows on the other side Kame’s head –  their bodies touching, skins warm and vibrating in anticipation. He huffs and his breath is rough but bursts of desire come, washing away the last traces of hesitation in him and he feels good. So good.

Blindingly in the dark, he reaches for Kame’s wrists and holds up above his head. Warmth blossoms inside him when his eyes settle over Kame underneath him whose face are flushed, and his expression open and unguarded. Kame who is always two steps ahead, often plotting and manipulating anyone to his advantage or for the common good – if he’s feeling generous – has let himself be pried open, left vulnerable and at the mercy of – all people – Jin.

And Jin is always left clueless on how to respond to this.

With waves of urgency to make Kame understand that _he’s here, right here, he got him, won’t let go_ , Jin slowly works on prepping Kame. His movement precise, steady and he surprises himself that he too is familiar with the nooks and crannies and planes of Kame’s body – like it’s a long-dead secret finally unfolding before him. Kame makes keening noises that leaves Jin breathless and greedy for more.

And as he moves, finally, sinking into Kame and the other meeting his thrusts perfectly like they’ve practiced this countless of times and timed it to precision, he thinks that no, he’s wrong. This _is_ fair. This is exactly how it would play out and yes, he will deal with this with plans and timelines, with thoroughness that Kame deserves.

After years and years of idiocy, uncertainty and disjointed faith to themselves, Kame – no, _they_ – the both of them deserve anything but a half-baked attempt at this.

-

Morning comes too quickly and Jin is acutely aware he barely has two hours to sleep. Sometime between making out in the tub, their skin ending up all soft from the steam, and wrinkly, and falling into bed last night with quiet fervour, Kame has mentioned he’s due back to Japan tomorrow. That’s two days before Jin.

The idea of going through the hell of language barrier for three more days without someone waiting for him back at his hotel room makes him uncomfortable and uneasy, like there’s an itch he’s not willing to scratch.

It’s fucking hilarious. He’s lived his life until this point by himself. He has burned bridges and unapologetically ploughed through countless gates. Yet, here he is now, pining over someone who hasn’t even left yet.

There’s an unsettling twist in his guts.

Sentimentality is Jin’s forte. He commoditizes that shit. Yes, he might occasionally produce his songs with layers after layers of autotone, but the foundation of all things he does is his desire to invoke _something_. It could be a memory from the past, unwilling to be let go; or a dream, something to fight for, to wake up for every morning; or an inspiration to do better even in the smallest things that do not usually matter.

And as Jin cards his fingers through Kame’s hair as the other snores softly, face slack, Jin is surprised with the lack of panic when it comes to him slowly that for him all of those – memory, dream, and inspiration – have morphed into one single force of a person. A force that has been quietly simmering inside Jin for a long time now that denying its existence is an exercise in futility.

It’s a risk.  Laying all you’ve got, betting everything in one go – even Jin knows that’s one risky game to play.

He presses his face against Kame’s neck and breathes in, engraving to his memory how Kame smells soap and milk and how warm he feels under Jin’s touch.

He’d probably regret this later, when a quadruple-shot latte will not even bring a dent to his exhaustion. But he knows it will all be worth it as he waits and finally sees Kame goes through the process of waking up: dark lashes fluttering as he moves from the state of sleepiness to consciousness, frowning a bit as he notices Jin all tangled up with him, and finally laughing and saying with the foulest morning breathe:

“Fucking creeper.”

Later, when the sun is up for a little longer but the warmth of their bodies are still lingering, Jin will ask Kame to join him for dinner tonight. Yamapi might be right: he knows what to do even before public scrutiny and responsibilities come to the equation. He knows what’s to expect and the steps to be done but the fact remains that it’s not going to be an easy ride.

But right now, Jin can only laugh back at Kame’s bright, soft expression because it’s this first quiet moment of theirs that he knows he’s in it for the tough ride ahead.

-

It would be nice to pinpoint the exact moment you know you’re doomed. But Jin knows that doesn’t how it usually works. There’s no singular moment. No singular decision. It’s a slow blinded descent to madness, only realizing where you are headed when there’s no going back.

It’s not the first time he met Kame. It couldn’t be. Because he doesn’t remember chatting a kid with those hideous eyebrow on his audition day. It’s not even when he decided to skip soccer practice to try out in the Jimusho audition for lark.

No. It’s a domino effect of piss poor decisions and hilariously convenient coincidences.

For the first few weeks of what is to be an endless string of vocal and dance training, Kamenashi is just a nameless kid with a too fiery attitude and too smartass for Jin. He’s all bones and angles, with a face of full sharp features. He dances with an enthusiasm akin to a dog in captivity released to the wild and really, Jin hasn’t stood a chance.

Slowly, like a  predator circling its kill, the nameless kid becomes the anchor of Jin’s sanity in the madness of the Jimusho. They fall into pattern of quiet companionship.    

Despite their innate differences, with Jin always too quick to speak and who covers his fears with unfunny jokes that hits too close at home and with Kame who speaks confidently but with the patience of a fly, and who is basically a small ball of fury and determination – they gravitate to each other in ways Jin cannot understand.

With two dozen other kids hanging around on their orbit, sharing the same experience, there’s no reason they should seek each other. But they do. Jin’s axis tilts whenever they’re in the same vicinity, pulling Kamenashi in his space, invading every inch of his being.

And every day, until now and even in the quietest of moments, Jin yearns Kame’s attention. And Jin likes to think that even then Kame indulges him – with how he would keep on smiling, eyes crinkling, and laughing at his jokes when everyone else has already gotten tired of him, how he just _gets_ Jin’s silence when the words in Jin’s head gets the better of him and how he would continuously offer a piece of himself to Jin when Jin knows for a fact there’s too little of him left to himself. 

And that’s just who he is. Even when he’s barely a teenager, Kame is already on a whole different level.  He’s self-less and dependable, effortlessly wrapping everyone around his bony fingers.

It’s such a magnificent experience to be on the front row as this ungainly kid who should have a baggage full of insecurities carries his awkwardness like a badge of honour. He keeps on proving everyone wrong, keeps pushing and soaring high above, yet remaining grounded. And it’s an equally gratifying moment to see when he finally grows out of his awkwardness into what he has become.

Never mind that he essentially became smugness personified because Jin is still helplessly captivated in that maddening, terrible way.

Even when they’re young and impressionable calling what he has with Kamenashi as friendship already leaves a bad taste. It feels cheap and unwarranted. When he was younger, he associated that unbidden concern and need to impress as something as intense brotherly affection. But even that, it still felt lacking. 

Whatever it is, it’s something physical and real and pulsing. It’s an unexplainable pull. It’s not comforting nor soothing like what friendship with Yamapi feels. No, whatever he has with Kame, it’s raw and messy. It’s a disorienting state that leaves Jin mad, saying things he regrets seconds after uttering them, and doing things mindlessly, leaving him to pick up the shards of his shattered ego on the ground.

 

The realization of his express train to madness did hit him, out of the blue. It wasn’t anything like a hard punch to the guts. No, it was like a soft tap in the shoulder – like a reminder or a bloody FYI email.

It happened one day, couple of years ago, with his axis spinning aimlessly on its own and his life spilling away, anchorless, when he decided that the life he had slowly build in the past months and that the sunny, studio apartment in the quiet part of LA he’d been staying had nothing on the chaotic charming mess of Japan and the equally infuriating specific person it comes with. And as he bought the next trans-pacific flight available, he could only blink down the reality that he was doomed, had been doomed and been heading to it for a long time now and that at that point, there was tragically no going back.

-

Jin shouldn’t be surprised that Kame is already a dozen steps ahead of him, but he is. And Jin’s glad they’re on the same page about this.

This throws him back to the old days whenever the group was split on a decision and you’d be glad to be on Kame’s side of the argument. People who don’t know Kame thinks all those rumors about him are exaggeration but the truth is Kame in himself is an exaggeration.

Around them, the restaurant is buzzing with the dinner rush. They’re seated somewhere in the middle, open to everyone because apparently this is Jin’s life. Incognito dinner date without the incognito part.

Jin has given up being inconspicuous once the manager rounds up to them for the second time that night asking if they’re having a pleasant time. But this is Shanghai so there is still a high chance that the attention they’re getting is mainly because of Kame’s blings. Kame chats up the manager in an unapologetic halted English and Mandarin and charms her to give them free bottle of Chardonnay.

Once the manager walks away, Kame smile falls. He opens the calendar from his phone and shows it to Jin. “Five to six months. We’ve got five to six months to sort ourselves.” He says it so clinically but Jin sees the slight shake of his fingers as he swipes the screen.

Potential expiration and timeline of a relationship will never be pleasant dinner topic. But they’re both avoiding a crisis here, so they’ll work on what they have.

Jin thumbs the condensation on his glass of soda. “Until they announce the Sony endorsement.” He says more to himself, letting it sink in.

Kame nods. He barely touches his dinner. “I think that’s long enough. What do you think?”

Personally, Jin thinks that if they don’t implode in a week’s time, they’re going to be bloody fantastic at this being-in-a-relationship business. But Jin has never been a good gambler.

“That’s alright with me.”

Silence engulfs their table as Kame notes something in his phone. Probably six months from today, Kame’s phone will alarm and the screen will show “D-Day: Break Up or Come out.”

The couple from the table next to them is about to leave and Jin is distracted on how the man touches the elbows of his date.

“Are you a good gambler, Kame?” Jin asks as he takes a mouthful of his seared tuna.

He feels the press of Kame’s leg against his under the table. “I never gamble on the important things.” He says, his expression unreadable. “But I do have an excellent poker face.”

  
-

**The Backdoor Kitchen, a newly opened Italian fusion restaurant in Shanghai, is gaining a lot attention. Last week, Japanese pop stars were spotted dinning in their posh two story location. Why are celebrities flocking to this up and coming restaurant?  Below are the top fusion meals from The Backdoor Kitchen that will definitely leave you craving for sure.**

-

Japan is being unreasonably cold right now. Literally and otherwise. He’s been back for 37 hours and he’s already cooped inside the studio, running a last minute edit of a commissioned song.

Jin throws his head back and eases a crick on his neck. He stares at the fluorescent light for a long time before blowing a stray hair out of his face and announcing to the three people in the booth that they’re done for the day.

“I’ll pick this up tomorrow. Shouldn’t take me that long. Leave it to me.” He says to Tadashi, one his producers, when the two other sound engineer has stepped out of the room.

Tadashi nods and asks “You smoke?” instead.

Jin doesn’t have the mind to say no. He really shouldn’t be smoking at all as he’s on his supposed to be record-breaking 22 days without cracking but he knows for a fact that the crick on his neck isn’t solely just because his chair on the studio isn’t ergonomically correct. In a week, the live promo for his new single will start but instead of focusing on that his mind is running three hundred coming out gameplays to make sure Kame and himself are not headed on a double career suicide.

They wordlessly walk through the dark corridors of the building and end up in the fire exit. Jin suddenly misses the anonymity that LA offers, where he can smoke at some random corner without checking over his shoulder every minute.

But this is Japan where his privacy is a myth so he settles on staring resolutely at the lighted end of his cigarette as he zones out of the incessant babbling of Tadashi. The guy usually keeps to himself and Jin appreciates that, but apparently smoking in 6 degree outside makes you mindlessly talkative.

“So,” Tadashi starts when there’s a lull on their conversation. “How was Shanghai?” The _Kamenashi was there with you, right?_ undertone is heavily implied.

Jin puffs a smoke. “Not bad. I’ll probably be back sooner than later.”

“For business or – ” Tadashi cocks his head at the side. He looks stupid. They’re couple of stories above ground and Jin is this close in throwing the guy over the ledge.

“Business.” Jin bites down a sigh as another chilly wind hits him.  

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Tadashi is about to respond to that but Jin’s saved by the quiet vibration of his phone.

_practice till 10_

Jin supposes that if you’re Kamenashi you really don’t need to explain yourself anymore. You just assume everyone speaks fluent Kamenashi-nese. And that’s probably true. In a fit of stupid rebelliousness, Jin replies a very emphatic: _k_

“Yeah, business.” Jin repeats, cutting whatever Tadashi is about to say. “I’ll go ahead.” He pats the other on the shoulder, “Pleasure calls.”

-

The dance studio is too bright for eight in the evening. It’s also very messy. Jin slips inside, wrinkling his nose as he skips over dozens of water bottles, sweat-soaked shirts and gym bags.

No one spares him a look as he drags a monobloc to one corner and slumps down to it. The studio is actually two smaller ones collapsed into one, with the partitioned wall pushed to the sides. There are about twenty people, a mix of production staff and Juniors, milling around. And Jin’s head aches just watching at all the rush of activity happening. This is something Jin doesn’t miss. Decisions are done by two dozen people who doesn’t know jack shit about performing and Jin has never been a fan of democracy when the issue is just when to take a water break.

At the front of the room, Junno is stretching in front of the mirror with four other Juniors. One of the kids has a bad posture as he squats down and Jin’s paternal instinct kicks in. He’s itchy to help out the poor, confused kid.

But the idea dies out when he sees Maru walking towards him, “Hey. How’d you sneak in here again?”

“I have my ways.” If Jin’s ways include cheerfully chatting that one production assistant he vaguely even remember working with before and can’t even remember the name now in order to distract the guard from checking his guest pass, no one needs to know.

Maru nods, smiling, “You always have your ways.”

Jin shrugs, glancing at the door where Kame just saunters in. “Only for the right intentions.”

Maru twists his neck and follows Jin’s sight. “Uh huh.” He nods, “Right intentions.”

Jin arches an eyebrow, as Maru grabs another chair and sits next to him.

“How was Shanghai?” In less than 40 hours since he landed, this has been asked by twenty other people and with about a thousand implications. 

And Maru is the most obvious of them all. It takes for someone who basically grew up with him to know that Maru doesn’t have a gameplay.

“It’s good. We needed to.”

He doesn’t glance at Maru, instead he watches how Kame gathers some of the stage managers by the piano and discuss whatever pressing con matters they have at hand. Kame has that tight frown on his face that could mean there’s a last minute change from the venue management and they need to adjust probably the set list or something equally tedious. Wouldn’t be the first time and besides, Kame lives for these things. The guy gets high as a kite on work stress.

God, Kame is weird. Jin is helplessly infatuated with a weirdo.

But the weirdo is looking incredibly hot right now. Kame is shirtless with his sweatpants hanging dangerously low from his hips. He has a ridiculous pink clip on to keep his fringe away from his face. Jin likes what’s he’s seeing. Almost worth the painful conversation he’s about to have.

“Are you two gonna go through this?” He hears Maru ask and Jin is surprised to hear the concern curling around Maru’s soft voice. It’s same level of concern they hear whenever Junno sprains his ankles because he sucks at stretching properly. It’s the same level of concern that evolved to righteous fury when Koki finally struck out one last time and management was about to cut him off.

Maru doesn’t have a gameplay. He plays straight to protect his own.

“We’re gonna go all out, Maru.” Jin allows the all-consuming fear of the unknown to burn his tongue.

It takes several second before he feels Maru claps his shoulder with a solid hand. Jin exhales, not even remembering when he stops breathing. 

“Kame called me at six in the morning, saying he’s cashing all the favors we owe him.” Maru says, fondness eminent, and Jin finally looks him. “When Kamenashi Kazuya calls you at six in the morning to tell you he’s moving heaven and earth to get rehearsals suspended for a week because he has to go elsewhere, you just sit back, agree, and hope that it’s Akanishi Jin related and not the end of the world.”

And Jin, because he has apparently lost all sense of self-preservation, blushes. “Now you’re just being a smartass.”

Maru howls at that and Jin feels the tension ebbing away. He isn’t even aware that Maru’s approval is something he needs.

“But it’s true. We, and I mean all of us – Junno, Tatchan and even Koki, we know that it will come to this.” He smiles at Jin, but he sounds sorry and Jin hates that. “But it’s going to be very messy, Jin.”

Jin leans back, letting his shoulder fall. There’s a familiar crick on his neck again. “I know. We know. That’s why – that’s why, we are taking this slow. We want to make sure this isn’t a one-off.” Jin closes his eyes, huffing. Saying all of this out loud is somehow liberating. It’s an affirmation that they’re not headed to this blindly. “It will be fucking hilarious if we come out and then just break up the next week.”

He opens his eyes and sees Maru looking at him, “We already know this isn’t a one-off when you came back from LA the first time.”

Jin almost laughs because it’s true, isn’t it. That is definitely one of his finest moments of decision-making. He sighs instead, not willing to go into that. “Probably, but who knows and really at this point it’s not a risk we are willing to take. And when it does come to that, we know that the group will take the hardest hit.” Jin’s voice doesn’t break but his inside feels like it.

It’s been years since his contract to the group has ended but it’s just a paper saying he doesn’t earn money with them anymore. His identify is still firmly rooted to them. They’re part of him, same way that he is of them. His Wikipedia article still starts of as “Former member of Jpop Group KAT-TUN.” They don’t get along all the time, and they don’t pretend that they do. What do you expect when you put six guys with varying level of assholeness in one group. They’re assholes for sure, but they’ve got each other’s backs. And Kame and himself owe it to these assholes to keep the damage as minimal as possible.  

“We’ll deal with it.” Maru shakes his head, frowning. “To be honest, I’d rather have the group end with something exciting like a gay scandal rather than die an organic death of pathetic sales drop.”

Jin bites down his lower lip. It makes him furious to think about them fading to obscurity. It’s a reality everyone denies.

“It’s going to suck. Tatsuya will flip but we’ll get over. We will move on.”

Maru moves his chair closer and his eyes are suspiciously wet.

“Are you gonna hug me?” Jin narrows his eyes at Maru. “Please don’t. There are people – Maru – DON’T – ugh.” Jin drops his head to Maru’s shoulder, sighing and surrendering when Maru moves to hug him like a champ.

“There you go, it’s not that bad. You like my hugs, I know you do.” Maru laughs again, clapping his shoulder.

“Yeah, I do like your hugs.” Jin admits, sniffing, as Maru moves away.

“Don’t worry about us. When we heard that Kame’s with you in Shanghai, no one is surprised. Granted you are both stupid fuckers but you are _our_ stupid fuckers. We have your back.” 

“We don’t deserve you, Maru.” Jin finds himself saying. He wants to curl up, cling to the warmth security of knowing that there are people rooting for them – he wants to hibernate in that warmth and wake up in six months, when hopefully the society has its ass drag down from its moral high ground.  Or, if he can close his eyes right now, count to ten and open his eyes in a world that allows him to give a relationship a shot without the need to qualify its risk and worth, as if a relationship is as impersonal and cold and quantifiable like a stocks and investment.  

Maru stands up and stretches his arms. “Who gets to say who deserves who?”

“I don’t know but shouldn’t there a balance?”

“Relationship isn’t about balance. It’s not about fairness.” Maru tuts at him like there’s a secret Jin hasn’t been let on.

Jin laughs, a bit impressed. “When did you get all philosophical like that?”

Maru smiles at him indulgently. “You’re too hard on yourself. Just a year ago, blowing up your hard-earned solo career for Kame isn’t an option. But now, you’re laying the ground work of the century on how to be gay and a successful pop star. We all grow up. We all get philosophical. It’s a fact of life.”

Jin laughs again, as he stands up too and bumps his shoulder with Maru. “Fact of life, huh.” He repeats.

Maru winks at him, linking their arms together, “Exactly. Now come on, I want to get your opinion on how we are going to butcher Real Face on the encore.”

\-        

It turns out Jin has a lot opinion on how they can butcher not only their songs but practically the whole concert. And for some reason, the staff welcomes him with only mild confusion. It’s almost like he’s just one of them, paid to take this glitterbomb of a concert seriously and somehow put a season of actual musicality in it.

He’s taken command of the piano, playing bits of White Xmas while discussing with Maru and their music director on how they can transition into the second part better. It’s all good and they’re quite productive, which is rather surprising if Jin is being honest. When there were still six of them, the staff called it a win when they all somehow show up in the practice and pre-con meetings in the first place. Hangover and snappy mood notwithstanding.

Ideas are being brought to the table and no one is screaming their lungs out and wow, is it Christmas?  Fucking twilight zone, Jin thinks.

Even Kame for once remains mum on the merits of Star Rider as transition song and seems to be content standing next to Jin, humming in agreement when he feels like it. They’re barely touching but the little space between them is enough for Jin to be high on silly excitement.

And of course, that’s when everything goes downhill.

As he lays down the finer points of hologram usage, he notices a guy walks in the room and the back of his neck prickles in an unsettling way. Instinctively, he looks up to where Kame is standing next to him and is quite surprised to see the other frowning, looking uncomfortable as he tracks the new guy’s movement.  Jin can’t help but arch his eyebrow at that because apparently: a) something is wrong and b) his senses are now attuned to Kame like a buy one get one promo for sorta dating him.

The guy could be anyone and since Jin is not really in the business of keeping tabs who goes in and out of the practice room, he’s about to pick up from where he left off on his hologram argument but the music director has moved away and Maru is trying surreptitiously not to meet either his or Kame’s eyes and failing badly at that.

He’s about to tug Kame close to ask what’s wrong but then Junno stands up from the floor, and flings himself to the guy in a very distinct Tageuchi way, and the thing with Jin is that he is easily distracted.

“Keisuke, this is a surprise!” Junno almost tackles the guy to the ground.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. You lot needs my special touch.” The guy grins at him, clapping a hand on Junno’s back.

The new guy drops his bag on the floor with the air of someone who have done this countless times before. Few other people in the room throws some kind of greeting to him, and Jin feels oddly out of place.

“Ah yes, your special touch. Wouldn’t want to miss that, would we?” Ueda says he walks over from where he is previously stretching by the mirror.  He throws a quick glance to Jin’s general direction before clasping the guy’s hand.

That should cue Jin in on what’s going on but what gets to him instead is when Junno says, with complete honesty and heartfelt concern: “Glad to work with you again despite your break up with Kame.”

-

Jin doesn’t do dramatic walk outs. He’s simply not cut out for the theatrics. He wants to, but he always misses the right timing to achieve the maximum effect. So instead, he is often subjected to variety of awkward situations from the slightly emotionally charged up ones to the downright bizarre. Like right now for instance: most uncomfortable introductions in the history of forever.

“I’m a huge fan.” Keisuke says as they shake hand. His grip is solid and his face is open and warm. It doesn’t make things better that guy is fit as hell.

Jin rubs the back of his neck. “Uh, get better standards, man.”

Keisuke laughs, “Are you kidding me? #JustJin is the bomb.”

Christ, the guy laughs with his whole body and he seems harmless, and it’s not really personal, but Jin loathes him with every fiber of his being.

“Thanks, but it’s really not.” Jin shifts his weight from one leg to another, and willing himself to evaporate through the sheer force of his discomfort.  

“Yeah, it’s really not.” Ueda agrees, nodding and somehow cues everyone to laugh, like a well practiced studio audience. It’s unnerving. That would usually earn a glare from him but Jin knows, from the deep creases of his KAT-TUN member quirks and personality catalogue, that that is Ueda’s noble attempt to lighten the mood. That act alone is a horrifying turn of event.

“So yeah, Keisuke’s been working with us as choreographer for less than a year now. He’s been great addition to the team.” Maru gesticulates as he lists down Keisuke’s past project with measured enthusiasm as if he’s compensating for something.  

Kame has yet to say anything when it’s usually his place to do these kinds of introductions and other sorts of social placating. He just stands next to Jin, mouth pressed thin, still not touching him. And his presence should send assurance to him but all Jin wants this moment is to barrel out of the room, as he tries to not fall in that familiar dark pit.

But it’s too late. When he catches how Keisuke glances at Kame as Kame moves closer at Jin, it hit him in huge walls of waves, knocking him almost blinded in panic.

The introduction is unnecessary. There’s no reason for him to exchange pleasantries with their new choreographer and to learn about his long list of credentials, like they need his consent or anything like that.

He doesn’t need Maru talking like this, with careful words like he’s a kid in the brink of a tantrum. He doesn’t need Junno looking like a kid in an aftermath of a tantrum, all guilt and big eyes and small shoulders. He doesn’t need Ueda who usually has the direct, biting comments going all pacifying in his own twisted way.

No, and he especially doesn’t need Kame to be like this - watchful and almost fidgeting next to him, like Jin is some casualty waiting to happen.

He doesn’t need these. He’s a nobody. Jin’s not they’re A anymore. Haven’t been in a long time. This is his not place anymore. He needs to get out of here.  He’s –

Jin sucks a mouthful of air and exhales shakily.

“You sound like a totally cool guy.” He says as Maru finishes his litany of praises of Keisuke. Jin desperately hopes that the forced lightness of his voice carries out. “But I’m sorry on your obvious poor judgement call in working with these guys again. And really, you have no one else to blame but yourself.” He moves to shake Keisuke’s hand again and hears Ueda snorts somewhere behind him.

 “Says the guy who was up until five minutes ago was single-handedly rearranging out set list out of the goodness of his heart.”

Jin catches himself smiling at that, tossing a quick glance back at Ueda. “Only you, Ueda, can word compliments like it’s the worst thing in the world.”

“Who says it’s a compliment?” Ueda asks, mock horrified.

Jin makes himself laugh at that but he quickly moves to pat Maru in the arm. “Good talk. Give me a call when you want to pick up on the hologram thing. I know some guys who can help out. So – uh, I’ll leave you guys to do your boy band thing.”

He doesn’t wait for to Maru response but he does linger for half a second to give Kame a tight squeeze in the shoulder before walking out of the room – only to pivot three seconds later to grab his jacket he has left on the piano.

See? Pants at dramatic walk outs.

-

Jin’s on his way of finishing his pack of Reds when he sees Kamenashi walks out of the building. The chilly wind carries the soft sound of his steps.

He flicks the last stick to the ground and grinds it with the heel of his boots. He tugs his coat closer to him, hoping he has gotten the thicker one this morning instead.  

“Did you bring your car?” He asks as soon as Kame’s within hearing range.

He can’t look at Kame directly in the eyes but he can smell him. He’s freshly showered with cheeks pink and damp hair. He looks touchable and young. “I did. But I can just pick it up tomorrow. Let’s go?”

Jin reaches out to touch Kame’s hand. He stays there for second, rubbing his thumb along Kame’s wrists. But a particularly cold wind makes him let go Kame’s hand. “Your place?”

“Sure.” Kame answers. Jin nods before walking to his car with Kame trailing after him with the same soft steps.

When Jin turns the radio on and his own voice fills the car, he quickly changes the station to some radio talk show.

“I like that song.” Kame offers as he settles in his seat; his voice is so far off, it’s almost like he’s in the different dimension from Jin.

Jin can only grip the stirring wheel tightly as he swallows down his own spit. “It’s a shitty song.” He says as they wheels out of the basement parking.

Kame doesn’t say anything and Jin doesn’t know if he’s thankful for that.

The rest of the drive to Kame’s apartment is quiet. Silence is a common thing for them. There are weeks, even months, where silence is a competition to them. It’s usually loaded, making people around them uncomfortable. But sometimes, on those rare good days, the silence is comfortable and companionably. But this isn’t that. Kame is throwing short glances to Jin every few minutes and Jin’s resolutely trying not to beat every red light.

Jin flicks the heater on.

Japan is being unreasonably cold right now.

-

As Kame opens the door to his apartment, Jin lingers outside for a few seconds. “Give me a sec. I’ll be in a minute.”

Kame looks at him. Jin knows he’s looking at him, but the genkan isn’t lighted and the florescent lights in the corridor cast a dark yellow glow over them and it’s dark, too dark to make out anything. There’s a beat and Kame closes the door behind him.

Jin rests his back against the wall and looks at his hands, at his nails. It’s too clean. He hasn’t had the chance to work on his garden since coming back. He’ll work on it tomorrow but at this point he probably needs a professional landscaper. It’s getting out of hand. Well, out of _his hands,_ literally. He likes his garden quite a lot, but it’s a lot of work. Jin knows that, even before he planted the first seed, but it doesn’t make the experience of taking care of a garden less time-consuming, and less complicated.

He closes his hand, letting his nails dig in his palms.

Knowing one thing is different from actually experiencing it first hand.

 -

Kame’s apartment is airy, with the open kitchen layout and the sparse living room furniture. It’s like one of those apartments in leasing catalogues that’s good in the eyes but bad in the savings account. Much like Kame himself.

Jin stands in the middle, a little lost in his thoughts. The heater is on and Jin feels a cold sweat forming on the planes of his back.

“Tea?” He hears Kame calls from the kitchen.

Jin carefully sits on one of the ottomans, catching his bearings, and rests his forehead on the heel of his palm. “Hey? I think I’d head out.”

For few moments, there’s nothing. He almost panics but then there’s a clacking noise somewhere distant, probably in the kitchen and he hears Kame pads his way to him. He doesn’t move, can’t possibly move as he evens out his breathing.

“Jin – ”

“Sorry,” Jin interrupts him, “But I can’t do this. Not tonight.” His head still on his hand.

Kame doesn’t say anything for a long time to the point it becomes unbearable. Exhaling, Jin moves his hand away from his face.

He doesn’t know what face he’s making right now but Kame falters. He has changed to an old shirt and an equally ratty pajama bottom. With his still quite damp hair, the ends curling around his ears, he looks out of place from his own perfectly made apartment.

“How long were you two together?” Jin finds himself blurting before he can even stop himself.

He can’t help it. He needs to know. Has Keisuke seen this side of Kame before? The one that walks barefoot and throws tantrums? The one who looks young and vulnerable, and not the impenetrable wall he is whenever there are potential risks at stake? Has he seen Kame in the morning, with eyes soft in the edges or has shared a breakfast with him and has been an audience to Kame’s biting commentaries on the merits of blueberry jam? Has Kame ever dropped all his work commitments to spend time with Keisuke?

“Why are you always like this?” Kame is asking and god, he sounds wretched and doesn’t this all seem familiar.

 Jin shuts his eyes closed. He doesn’t want Kame sounding like that. He doesn’t want any of _these_.

Jin fists his hands again and tries to stop them from shaking. “I can’t help it. It kills me whenever there’s someone else – ”

“And you don’t? You never had someone?” Kame snaps at him so loud and so quick that Jin flinches. Take a rusty dagger and cut him wide open instead. That will be a light year less painful, less brutal than this.

 “We’re not the same.” Jin whispers, shaking his head. “And you know that. For me, it’s never serious. It’s just you. I just keep coming back to you, don’t I? But you...” Jin trails off. He keeps his eye focused on the floor. 

“I’m not going to apologize for having a fucking life.” Kame grinds out.

Jin is still shaking his head. No, no no no no no – “ _No_. This is – this is not about that.”

“That's who I am, Jin.” Kame is _seething_. “I don't sit in one corner and wallow in celibacy and loneliness as I wait for you to come around and fuck me again.”

Kame doesn’t scream but his voice is hoarse and shaky and it’s everything Jin hates in the world.

“I try to enjoy the in-betweens of our fall outs." Kame finishes, each word rolling in so much spite.

Jin cards his hand in his hair and pulls it, eyes still on the floor. It’s shaking. Everything is shaking.

"Do you love them? Did you love any of them?" He blurts out, chest thundering.

It takes a while for Kame to reply. "Sometimes.” Jin inhales loudly. “I am never selfish with them. I try my best to reciprocate the feelings of the person I'm with."

Jin blinks as the floor becomes blurry. He slaps hand over his mouth to stop himself from whimpering.

"What am I then? What - what if this is just an in-between?”

And he’s falling, falling down, down, _down_ the pit with the endless darkness and deafening silence.

Jin gasps as he tries to catch his breath.

And there’s a movement and suddenly Kame is kneeling in front of him.

"Are you looking for an assurance? Is that what this is?" He doesn’t look mad but there’s an edge of desperation on his eyes and Jin doesn’t know what to do. There are articles on the internet on how to deal with pests in your garden; there are industry experts willing to guide you on how to quit your agency and start your career from scratch again but there are no hard and fast rules on how to deal with nagging, unwarranted insecurities. You wing it and just hope you don’t drag anyone else in your madness.

"I always need an assurance when it comes to you.” He finds himself saying, wide-eye and fearful. “You’re you, Kame. You’re selfless. And there's just too much of you to go around. I  - ” He wills himself to look at Kame’s eyes, throwing everything out in the air. Letting it consume him. “I need to know where I stand."

And Kame looks miserable, desperately at loss and Jin wants to embrace him and tell him everything is going to be fine and they’re okay but it’s not. They’re not. Jin is not okay and he has never been in the business of lying with himself.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Kame says in a low, despairing voice.

 "Since day one, Jin. _Since day one_. I have been selfish when it comes to you.” He says, stressing each word and searches Jin’s eyes. “You’re the only one I allow myself to be selfish with.”

Kame reaches out to him, circling his arms around his neck. Jin drops his head and let his forehead touch Kame’s. They’re touching in more than one place, and it should be uncomfortable as the room is already warm but Kame’s skin feels reassuring against his. He lets the dull sound of their mix heart beats calms him down.

“I know I can’t just to tell you to stop second guessing yourself and expect it will happen right away so you have to tell me what to do, Jin.”

Jin lifts both hands to Kame’s face, thumbs tracing the dark circles under his eyes. He’s tired – both of them are. Physically, mentally and emotionally strained that even a full night sleep won’t be able fix it.  Jin personally feels like he’s been riding the same adrenaline rush since their first meeting with Sony, and has stretched it beyond its limit. And with the way how Kame’s shoulder sags, he too seems about to crash and burn.

The apartment is quiet lest for the ticking clock somewhere and Jin knows midnight is about to strike. In few hours, the sun will be up and there’s no assurance it’s going to be a better day. There will still be people asking with deliberate intentions, concerts to prepare for and singles to promote. Life will go on around them. They will be forced to lead their life normally as if a game changing decision has not been made couple of days ago.

In the intricate design of life, there are about endless factors that dictate the direction of yours. Minute details you often disregard for the larger, daunting ones. When Jin decides to jump on this whole crazy fiasco, he knows things will most likely go spectacularly catastrophic. But somehow he was blind-sided with the fact that a small, seemingly unimportant loose screw could sink a ship, even without an iceberg.

“Tell me about them. All of them.” He says and they’re still close, too close. Kame blinks at him, his eyelashes dark against his pale cheeks.

“But – ”

Jin presses his nose against Kame’s cheeks, inhaling. “I need to know. Please – I’d rather get hurt now than get caught off-guard again.”

“Okay.” Kame answers, “But not right now. Can it wait? Because I need you now, Jin. I need you now.” Kame whispers to his ears his voice dropping to an even lower register and Jin can only groan in response.

He slides one hand through Kame’s hair until he’s cupping the back of his head and he sways forward, catching Kame’s lips. He sighs as the other opens his mouth, warm and inviting. There’s a jolt of electricity as he feels Kame’s tongue slips into his and Jin misses this. He misses their whole dynamic. With how a touch and a kiss and an embrace make everything alright and worth it.

And it’s ridiculous. It’s only been couple of days and he hasn’t even realized it himself but oh how he craves Kame – every inch of his skin, his scent, and even how his own name sound when Kame says it mid-moaning. Only when he’s touching Kame, feeling his skin again his, does it hit him how obviously incomplete he is without the other. It's mind-numbing fact you don't question when you are in the middle of ecstasy of exchanging body warmth and feeling the assurance it comes with.

He pries Kame out of his clothes, slowly, distracted, with his heart beat racing. Kame is murmuring sweet little words of reassurance to him as Jin bites down that spot on his clavicle. He lets his lips nurses the spot until it blooms in a gorgeous shade of red, knowing full well it’ll stark against the skin around it for days to come.

Kame unbuckles his belt with an equally half-mind and helps him pushes his jeans out until they’re pressed skin to skin on Kame’s living floor. The light on the living room is blindingly bright and Jin feels open and exposed.

Kame probably notices how he falters for half a second because he suddenly moves up to lean his weight on his elbows, lower back still on the floor. “Do you wanna take this in the room?” He looks up at Jin.

Jin would like that but Kame has legs thrown on either side of Jin and being open and exposed to an audience of no one doesn’t seem to be a pressing matter at all.

Jin lets his mouth answer for him.

And Jin takes Kame there on the carpet in long, easy strokes. He lets his fingers dig on Kame’s hips as he sinks lower, angling to hit the spot that makes Kame's breathe stagger. And as Jin looms over him, he watches how Kame comes undone under him. He’s pliant under Jin and still breathlessly beautiful and moving, _moving_ and matching Jin’s thrusts. And it's all good. His back arching and his fingers leaving dark, angry mark on Jin’s back.

Jin reaches for Kame's hard on and matches his thrust with how tugs and pulls Kame's cock. And oh how Jin loves that strangled moan that Kame let out. The other makes obscene, half-coherent words, his breathe coming short and quick and Jin wants more of that. He keeps his thrust agonizingly slow and steady.

He wants to stay here, live in the moment and forget about the harsh realities of their choices. He wants to feel Kame vibrate against him, makes him lose his mind, the way Jin wants to lose his even for just tonight. 

Jin holds Kame down, his grip hard, fighting to keep his thrust steady and hard and his strokes on Kame's hard on, slick and lazy. He waits patiently for that signs of desperation from the other. He waits until the other's body tenses, waits until his hips moves like it's no longer part of his body, and the way he angles himself, fitting against Jin. And when Kame lets out a strangled moan of sweet desperation, he too can feel it, how the pleasure build, with the low buzzing heat forms from his toes and how it spreads all over him.

And yes, oh how he needs it too. He needs to see Kame wretched for all the good reasons and Jin needs to hear those mindless words, desperate and demanding and all very Kamenashi even in a brink of orgasm.

"Jin, oh Jin, I swear to god -"

 Jin mouths whatever skin he can as he grips Kame's arm and thrust, one, two, three - until he comes inside him and with Jin suddenly tugs Kame's cock hard, pulls and strokes fast and urgent and Kame comes to him, spilling all over him.  

"Next time," Kame says between breathes, "I'm fucking you on this carpet."

-

Jin debates with himself whether it's too presumptive of him to make himself coffee in Kame's kitchen when technically they have only been dating for two weeks. But then he remembers, he was with Kame when he bought that Nespresso and he's the one that hauled it back to the store when Kame realized he wants it in white instead. It was one of their good days. Their good days usually start of with high tension in enclosed space, followed by charged up, secret make out session with a possibility of dry-humping and then end up with Jin doing some of Kame's errands.

Kame is still snoring when Jin peeks at the bedroom so Jin quietly closes the door and let Kame sleep. It's still early in the morning and he knows he's needed in three different places in few hours but Jin can't make himself think about live studio recording, magazine editorial shoots and projected sales volumes right now. In the middle of Kame's white, quiet and airy apartment, he is detached from all of those.

It's funny how your life work stands insignificant in the face of something mundane like jealousy. It sounds cheap and beneath Jin who promotes himself as a man of courage and confidence, with high ambition. It's like you suddenly ram against the wall and all your pretenses come undone, and you are stripped down to your very core of swirling, dark insecurities.

And no one is more surprised than yourself.

By the time the coffee is ready, Jin settles on one of the bar stools and hits the call button on his phone.

"It's quarter before seven. I'm not your fucking on-call therapist." Yamapi says when he comes to the phone.

"I'm just returning your call. You're the one who said to call back when I'm available."

"But not before seven, asshole!" Yamapi is saying but he still hasn't hang up. There are two types of stressed out Yamapi. Grumpy, nagging Yamapi and overly affectionate, sappy Yamapi. Guess Jin isn't too lucky today.

"You have way too much energy for someone who just woke up."

There's rustle somewhere in the back of the other line before Yamapi replies, "Maybe because I just come home from filming."

Jin starts mindlessly sifting through the stacks of bills on the counter. "Dude why do you keep doing that yourself? You need to start looking out for yourself."

Yamapi's snort is heard over the line, "That's rich coming from you."

Jin closes his eyes and sighs. He's been doing that a lot lately. "Hooking up with someone isn't the same as you working 24/7 for the past ten years."

"Please, my dedication to my profession does not hold water against how mutually destructive you both are." 

Jin taps his finger against the counter top. "I wasn't really planning to debate with you on the merits of having work-life balance when I called."

"I wasn't expecting you to call. Full stop." Yamapi sighs. "What happened?"

Jin clicks his tongue. "I met one of the ex last night."

Yamapi whistles. "Already? Why are you guys in a hurry? Is there a discount promo for Grindr premium account? Is there even a Grindr premium account?"

Jin eyes his coffee warily. Look at how innocent it sits there on the counter, void of any boyfriend problems and snarky and highly unhelpful ex-best friends to be. "Do you know KeIsuke Takehiko? He's a choreographer."

"Tall, dark-haired, looks way too straight for Kamenashi? Yup, I think I know him. He worked on my last PV."

"I hate his stupid face." Jin grumbles, kicking the stool leg.

Yamapi lets a long, dramatic exhale that Jin knows too well. 

"Jin I don't know what you are expecting but I hope you understand that surprisingly competent ex-boyfriends is part of the deal."

"Oh you mean to tell me the potential catastrophic end of my career isn't the worst part of the deal?" Jin rolls his eyes as he finishes his coffee.

"That's a possible consequence." Yamapi drawls slowly. "Your careers are what you two stupid fuckers putting at stake. It hangs in the air, undetermined until your big gay love is exposed. But this? Insecurity over ex-lovers is just one of the few thing you have to deal with every single day if you want your big gay love to work out. This is all you two and no one else. There's no road map to success. This isn't about Pop Star Kamenashi and Akanishi. This is Jin and Kame making their relationship work like every other goddamn couple out there."

"You make it sound like we're doomed from the start." Jin aims for whining but Yamapi probably knows this run too deep for Jin to take this lightly. 

"I told you that even before all this shit happen - you both being fucking idols, you already know what to do to make it work. And I'm glad you are starting to manage it. Talking and discussing and planning with Kame and not rotting away in the depths of miscommunication hell. But, Jin, I didn't say it's going to be easy."

Jin nods. "Pi, tell me. Are we being stupid? Should I let this go and forget about everything?"

For once Yamapi doesn't have a quick reply. 

"Sure, go ahead. Drop Kamenashi at the first sign of a trouble. Will that make you sleep better at night?"

Jin feels the invisible punch, straight to his gut, leaving him all choked up and breathless.

When he didn't say anything, he hears Yamapi sighs. "If you let him go now, I can assure you, you will never have another chance. Consider that."

Jin is closing and opening his fists. He's trying to stimulate some blood into his pale fingers. He's shaking just a bit. 

"It's terrifying." Jin starts, his eyes shut. "Not just because of the possible consequences. It's important - but it's beyond us. What the public will say and how they will react is beyond us. We can only prepare. And really, when you think about it, that's the easy part. The hard part is the fucking actual relationship. I'm terrified of it. Terrified that I am no longer the person he needs. That we have let this drag for far too long and our time has passed and months into this, years into this we realized no, this is stupid. We are not meant to be. That we are stupid to even consider -

"Shut up." Yamapi grits out. "Shut the fuck up, okay. Just shut up."

Jin drops his head to the bar top.

"I am not fucking paid per hour to listen to you. And you know what, fuck you. I am offended on behalf of Kame. Doubt yourself for all you want, but never doubt him. Kamenashi has decided to push for this. He is fighting for this - for you. So don't even entertain the idea that you are not the person he needs. He has decided on you. I don't get it either - I don't see your appeal like at all. But he did. And he's there. He's fucking all in."

Jin exhales and let's a quiet sob consume him. "Fuck. I'm a mess."

"Yes, you are and Kamenashi doesn't deserve a messy, indecisive boyfriend. So either you sort yourself out or just quit already. Don't waste his time." 

"I can't." Jin says weakly. "I can never quit him. I tried so many times."

"Then stop this. Stop overthinking. When it gets tough, talk to each other. I know for you it sounds so revolutionary, but you know what, that's how you get a successful relationship. That's an insider tip."

Jin hums in agreement. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah you better be." Pi says after a stretched silence, not sounding too murderous anymore. "I just want the two of you to settle down, adopt three kids, move out of Japan, save the world. I don't know. I just don't want to still deal with this when I'm 70 years old. I want you to be happy. Are you happy right now? Not counting your self-induced drama." Right on cue, the bedroom door opens and comes out Kame, frowning and sporting the world's most ridiculous bed hair.

"Where did you go? Come back to bed." Kame demands, trying to look imposing while wearing a decade old Arashi concert shirt and yellow polka dot pajama bottoms.

"Pi." Jin says to his phone, eyes still on Kame.

"Yeah?" Pi asks.

"Yeah, I am. I am happy."

 

**KAT-TUN Prepares for 2 Day Concert in Osaka in Dec 30 and 31**

**Johnny's Group KAT-TUN will be headlining a 2 day in Osaka as part of the Come Here concert tour. On Dec 31, they will be leading their own New Year's Countdown.**

**This concert tour is the first for the group after Tanaka Koki left the agency last year, leaving the group with 4 members.**

**Their new single Dear or Alive will be on sale on January.**

**-**

True to his words, Kame lists down all his boyfriends and select hooks up worth mentioning. Over brunch, Jin learned that Kame has turned down a marriage proposal two years ago.  

"You are fucking killing me." Jin is pulling his hair out. He is feeling acidic. Jin regrets this conversation.

Kame hums over his coffee, unaffected. "You're so dramatic. There were no rings. He just asked it, carelessly throws the idea when I was so stressed out with work." 

 _"_ _'Marry me. Quit the business. Let's get out of here.'_ " Kame said, imitating whoever the fuck was that guy. "So I said ' _No, thanks. If I want to quit, I'll quit because I fucking want to not because an investment banker wants to make boytoy out of me. Get out of my house.'_ "  

"Boytoy?" Incredibly, it's the only thing that registers to Jin.

Kame throws him a look. The 'Are you sure you want to know?' question evident.

"What? How old was he?" Jin knows his voice is too high pitched for ten in the morning.

"Hmmm. 50-ish." Kame says as he takes a bite from his toast.

Jin shuts his eyes for a moment, absorbing all of this information. Kame, heartless as he is, continues to eat as Jin goes through some crisis.

He snaps out of his reverie when he feels Kame's foot rubbing against his calf - a warm, reassuring presence to his otherwise scandalized being.

With long drawn out exhale, Jin slowly opens his eyes. "So." He starts, his face blank. "Did you call him Daddy?"

It's a miracle Jin didn't break any bones with the kick he got from Kame. So fucking worth it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for Kdin. <3 Advance Happy Birthdaaaay~ 
> 
> I started writing this in 2014 and life fucking happened. This is still WIP and I do intend to finish this shit but I just need this out.
> 
> Shoutout to the solid Akakame fans in 2017 reading this. Let me know what you think! This has been collecting dust for the past two years so please yell if there's any glaring typos / errors. I'm sure there's a fuck ton. Sorry.


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